Bitterness - The Scarlet Letter of Silence

Have you ever been labeled "Bitter?" So many of us coming from bad situations fear that we will either sound bitter or wonder if there is any bitterness left in our hearts for those who have either wittingly or unwittingly hurt us.

The idea seems to be this - If you are bitter or sound bitter than you can be easily dismissed, not listened to or your story voided and cast aside. Only the ones who are not "bitter" are allowed to speak. (Sadly, this ends up to be all who are speaking!)

But can you imagine sitting in a court of law. Someone is giving a testimony on the witness stand and the judge looks at them and says, "Strike this man's testimony! He sounds bitter!"

Or can you imagine people in Jesus' day telling him, "Pay no attention to that crazy man yelling at the Pharisees! He sounds bitter!"

How about telling a verbally abused wife or daughter to be silent because they just sound bitter?

The truth is that any time you give an account of a wrong done either to you or to others you can sound bitter.

So many of us have never said anything because we might sound bitter or are afraid that someone might perceive us as bitter. Therefore stories go untold and the perpetrators of the abuse are allowed to continue on with us standing on the sidelines with what amounts to the Christian scarlet letter pasted to our foreheads.

Just being bitter does not change your testimony from valid to non-valid. Being bitter does not change the truth of the matter.

Bitterness is a heart issue. Someone can "sound" bitter and not have a bitter issue at all. Maybe they just sound angry. Bitterness is an internal thing. Truly only the person and God can sort this one out. Let's stop judging each other and let the Holy Spirit do his job.

The bad thing is we don't even have to have an enemy to wear the label. Often the very ones we are trying to help give it to us. Or for my own part I have to battle back the voices in my head that tell my own heart that I just might be bitter somewhere that I don't realize it.

Well today, I'm done. I've asked the Holy Spirit to show me where there is any bitterness. He has said nothing. I am so willing to repent if I need to but I see nothing. Therefore I am going to be free in telling my story as he wants me to share it and to urge others to tell theirs.

When you tell your story you have every right to be angry (you might even SOUND bitter!). When you hear someone else's story you are allowed to be angry! In fact if you are not angry then something in your heart is broken. Christians have for too long been silenced by this "Bitter slinging."

I'm asking that you deal with your own heart before God and then speak. Don't be silent because you must might somewhere, somehow, in some dark place that you can't see be bitter or angry or be perceived as such. It is not worth watching the ruin any longer.

Here is a post from someone who says this much better than I could every say it. The Bitterness Phenomenon

KeyChurch Posts - Losing Your Destiny

The biggest scare tactic that KeyChurch will throw at you if you even think of leaving their ranks is that of "losing your destiny." (A quick look at the latest sermon topics will reveal their last one preached - "Losing perspective, Losing your friends and Losing Destiny from 9/4/11 ")

Let's talk about that for a minute.

People who believe that it is possible to lose their destiny tend to agree to a few things. 1) That you were created by God for a purpose in this life. 2) That God has a "primary" plan for your life for which you were created, and 3) it is possible to either throw this plan away or somehow miss it and therefore lose the destiny that God created for you. (Note - I no longer believe this way because it stems from the Old Testament law and stories and ignores the cross - but that is another post)

Now, it sounds very scary to any believer who values loving God to think that they will get to heaven and find out that the very thing that God created them for has been lost, stolen or thrown away. It carries great significance with it. It carries the idea that God will (at least) be mad at you, and for some even hints that you may even lose your salvation.

My biggest question when I left this 'church' was this very question. Will I, or am I, walking away from or losing my destiny.

Well yes. I did. But wait. If, by losing my destiny you are referring to being able to do anything further with Perry or KeyChurch - then, I certainly lost my "destiny" there at that establishment. No longer would my destiny be to champion their ideals, pay for their ideals or give free labor to support their ideals. And in that sense, and only that sense, did I lose my "destiny" with those who are still there.

BUT if you are referring to my destiny in Jesus - my destiny that has been planned for me from the beginning of time - then NO! I have not!

I was destined to be loved by God. I was destined to love my husband, my children and my family. I was destined to love those who I am in contact day to day. I was destined to do the works of salvation. But even saying that, my destiny is tied up - not in my ability to walk perfectly - but in the very nature of who God is. He holds my destiny - Not some church or some apostle, pastor or prophet or some group of friends - God. And only He gets to decide if I have lost it! No man - Apostle or not- can declare that you have lost it. When a man holds that power and uses it to threaten you, it is Spiritual Abuse in its rawest form.

Let me assure you that mine and all others who have walked away because we finally could no longer stomach the abuse of either ourselves or other people have our destinies fully intact and flourishing. You won't lose yours either.

You might just understand for the first time what it really is though and that is simply too wonderful to "miss."

Public Naming - KeyChurch State College

A few years back I decided to put my name to my blog. My Husband was no longer "husband," my children were no longer nameless, and my name was clearly linked to my blog. Google Barb Peters and you will find me and this blog.

To this point I have never named the church in question that we attended and from which this blog sprung forth. I have never named the Pastors names or any of the other leaders - both past or present.

In part I did this because I was afraid. Again, to come out of a tightly controlled group who's main operation is to threaten you with curses if you speak against them is a very scary thing. Who wants bad things happening to them? Who wants to incur the wrath of God himself.

(Of course now I realize that to threaten that or even believe it is true is nothing more than witchcraft. You might as well leave a dead black cat cut open on my door step and call that Christianity.)

It also just did not feel like the right time. We were hoping against hope that somehow this church would change and begin to realize what had happened over the past 20+ years. Well, this has simply not happened. If anything, it has become even worse than when we attended.

Today I am going to name the Church and the lead Pastor. I do this for several reasons.

1. Anyone with half a lick of computer savvy will be able to link them now with the survivors forum (Keystone Reconciled) that we are participating in of which I posted in the last post.

2. As I indicated above, my name is already linked to it.

3. I WANT PEOPLE TO COME AND TALK TO US. I want to be able to have the conversations that we never got to have. I WANT them to fight and argue if they must. But I'm tired of this whole thing, person after person leaving wounded and shipwrecked and have it ignored and swept under the rug.

4. I want those who are going to Google and looking up this man and his 'church' to find out the truth before they invest years of their and their childrens' lives only to have them destroyed. When and if there is any movement to reconcile our lives to those I am naming, I will be the first to tell you. If it is in my power to warn those though who are starting to question or who are wondering if what they are hearing there is wrong, I want to be able to gently point the way to where they can get help.

My blog has helped many people over the years to understand that their experiences are not unique and their is life in God and through grace after such an experience. And for some very strange reason to me it is featured prominently in a Google search of various topics. With this platform I want to use it to the best of my abilities both to warn and to encourage those of you who land here.

May you find peace and healing. And to those who attend and especially lead this church - Come and talk. Don't come to threaten - it will not work with us anymore. Come to listen to people who still love you enough to call you to stop what you are doing.

Church: Former names - Church of the Harvest renamed to - Antioch International Church of State College. Renamed to it's present name of: KeyChurch of State College or Key Church State College or Keystone Church State College

Apostle's Name B. Perry Babb or Perry Babb Pastors names Jacque Babb and Jim Kilmartin

"I think they just may have their fight back!

After a glowing article in our local paper on the wonderful work our former Pastor and his church is doing in town, some of those who left destroyed are tired of being quiet.

We have not done or said anything (except for this blog that for most of it's existence was anonymous) because we were afraid that there was too much sin in our own lives (anger, bitterness, ungratefulness - you get the picture) to be able to speak in a public way.

And then there is the whole Matthew 18 principle that is used against anyone speaking up against anyone who calls themselves a "brother" (interesting article HERE on the abuse of this verse - something to chew on.) I found I had to break through various ranks of people and issues in my own life just to speak up about what really goes on in this "church." Some, are dear friends who are not ready to go public with this stuff and who genuinely want God to deal with it without any help from us.

Well after the comments on the newspaper article, one of our group started a forum where people of this church's past could post their stories. I urge you to read along and join, if you would like, to encourage those who are being brave enough to post their experiences, and maybe even write a bit about how this is not the only church in america that experiences this kind of spiritual abuse.

Also any links to your own blogs will propel this newly formed forum up into the higher ranks of any search engine as one of the many purposes of the forum is to serve as a warning to others that are considering this church as their home or wondering if what they are experiencing in it is good.

You can find the forum at: http://keystonestatecollege.org/

My daughter wrote this on the forum - I think it expresses my delight perfectly!

I have to say, nothing has lifted my spirits more then seeing everyone fighting for themselves again. I don't think it matters if it's messy, wrong, poorly executed, has traces of anger, bitterness or anything else that you were told was "impure" and thus used for so long to keep you from speaking out. Besides, any of those small side notes are overshadowed by the fact that people seem to have some of their spirit back! We used to fight for things all the time at Antioch. Hell, we prayed, yelled, sang, chanted and fasted and that was just for the messed up stuff! That church attracted people with fight in them. Ones that gave themselves to seeing this world become a better place. So to see people that had become so timid and defeated looking with some fight in them again is a beautiful sight. It's like seeing people reclaim a part of themselves that I thought was lost in leaving Antioch. I'm so proud of you all! So keep up the passion friends. Love, speak, and live without fear!