tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post4674411235285119520..comments2023-02-14T06:23:54.154-05:00Comments on A Former Leader's Journey: Starting All Over AgainBarbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-11207595222636685802008-10-15T11:12:00.000-04:002008-10-15T11:12:00.000-04:00I guess it may have been because Father put the bo...I guess it may have been because Father put the book, Grace Walk, into my life the week after we left. I devoured it over a weekend. It was life changing. <BR/><BR/>It answered questions that my heart had been asking for years, but didn't know the answer to.<BR/><BR/>I was at a point, Barb, where I said to myself, "If this is Christianity, I don't want any more of it."<BR/><BR/>I was at the end of my rope, almost literally. I wanted to die. I had no hope. I knew I was dead spiritually, but saw no way to fix it if the tools were to read my Bible more, pray more, witness more, more, more MORE!!!!<BR/><BR/>I tear up just writing this. <BR/><BR/>But Father is good. He took my yearning (actually they were from Him anyway) and revealed the answers to me.<BR/><BR/>As He said, I now have a hope and a future.John Fincherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05458897526460534434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-38879916672233222092008-10-15T10:56:00.000-04:002008-10-15T10:56:00.000-04:00John, please don't worry. I'm not offended. One o...John, please don't worry. I'm not offended. One of the things that is facinating to me is the way people process this whole thing. Some walk away with one kind of reaction and other with another. I did not think you were passing judgement - just saying, "wow, I'm glad that is not something I carried away with me." <BR/><BR/>Speak you mind here. You won't offend me and someone reading may relate more to you than to me. All of it enables someone not to feel crazy. I like the differences.<BR/><BR/>Plus if you find yourself 2 years out still reacting to things that you thought were not there - you'll know you are not alone either!Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-24512690150359673182008-10-15T10:51:00.000-04:002008-10-15T10:51:00.000-04:00Barb,I see how my comments may seem to have been p...Barb,<BR/>I see how my comments may seem to have been passing judgment on you. I didn't mean it that way. It's just the the Holy Spirit works differently with each person and this was just one area where He allowed me to be released.<BR/><BR/>No, it still hurts..deeply. It may already be a scar, but a scar is still a lifelong reminder of a past injury. One that I think was needlessly inflicted because someone's pride was affected. Satan likes that "pride" angle - works every time.John Fincherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05458897526460534434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-14526429964634672602008-10-15T10:44:00.000-04:002008-10-15T10:44:00.000-04:00John, sometimes, through this year, my reaction to...John, sometimes, through this year, my reaction to things took me by surprise. I thought I was free of what others thought and then something would push a trigger point and I would find myself back at where I was before. I don't claim to be better yet because of this. I know I am more free than before but I'll take a wait and see posture till I've got a few more situations under my belt. Now you sound more like my Husband. He really seems not to have as many 'trigger' points as I do. My relationships with these people went a bit deeper than his though.Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-77079083333096431342008-10-15T10:21:00.000-04:002008-10-15T10:21:00.000-04:00Barb,You mentioned about worrying about the former...Barb,<BR/>You mentioned about worrying about the former leader coming to pass judgment on you. This was something that the Holy Spirit released me of immediately. <BR/><BR/>For years, (as Deacon, and then CHAIRMAN!!! (Insert fanfare here)), I MOSTLY "did" (i.e. tithe, work/teach in various ministries) ultimately (sigh) because I wanted him and her to look favorably on me. I now that is awful, but I have to admit that now.<BR/><BR/>Now, I could not care less what "they" think of me. It has been one of the most liberating experiences of my life.John Fincherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05458897526460534434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-76417557751150270242008-05-25T09:25:00.000-04:002008-05-25T09:25:00.000-04:00Yeah... lovely memories and I hope the feeling in ...Yeah... lovely memories and I hope the feeling in the pit of the stomach eventually goes away.Heidi Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01417459513387659018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-29589757533651421572008-05-24T13:29:00.000-04:002008-05-24T13:29:00.000-04:00oh wow, i can really relate to this. i specifical...oh wow, i can really relate to this. i specifically remember two times when i was asked to come to a meeting, and i was excited for it, thinking it was going to be a good thing - only to find out when i got there that it was a rebuke. the second time i was so taken off gaurd, it seriously took me half the meeting to realize what was going on! i kind of find it humorous now, but ugh - i hate those meetings....Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03489014078856231882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-73521479653902399052008-05-24T00:40:00.000-04:002008-05-24T00:40:00.000-04:00As I read, a flash of memory - being called into t...As I read, a flash of memory - being called into the pastor's office - the stomach tightening. Yeah...Jeannette Alteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06574051760314762024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-53691258289336982432008-05-23T22:51:00.000-04:002008-05-23T22:51:00.000-04:00Yep, I can totally relate!Yep, I can totally relate!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-40561584754039996042008-05-23T22:14:00.000-04:002008-05-23T22:14:00.000-04:00I had totally forgotten the "hey, can I talk to yo...I had totally forgotten the "hey, can I talk to you after the service?" one. That gave me the sick stomach feel just reading the words.Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-21399050493804629672008-05-23T22:11:00.000-04:002008-05-23T22:11:00.000-04:00Oh my, I can totally relate. "Hey, can I talk to y...Oh my, I can totally relate. "Hey, can I talk to you after the service?" would reduce me to a mental mess, wondering what I'd done, what I'd said, who might have complained or mentioned something I did wrong.<BR/><BR/>Those sorts of innocent statements still stir up that gut reaction, faster than I can stop it... but it's getting a bit better. Wow, I can only imagine how relieved you were! And then to find out that he actually wanted something POSITIVE... amazing!Marti Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14251659840050174782noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-33341837551430929302008-05-23T22:06:00.000-04:002008-05-23T22:06:00.000-04:00Thanks Jeff. You're right...that is the first pos...Thanks Jeff. You're right...that is the first post I read I think. I think it speaks to the type of group you are in by what kind of response a request like this results in.Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-77373175889392321722008-05-23T22:04:00.000-04:002008-05-23T22:04:00.000-04:00I was so relieved I know he could see me relax. I...I was so relieved I know he could see me relax. I really respect this man and I know he is very wise. If he had something to "share" with me I know it would be delivered in humility and grace. I am just amazed that I went there (fear) first.Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-14914762979452610112008-05-23T22:03:00.000-04:002008-05-23T22:03:00.000-04:00Don't be too hard on yourself, Barb. I'm away fro...Don't be too hard on yourself, Barb. I'm away from my CLB over 8 years now, and I still get nervous about people from my past knowing what I'm doing. (If I recall, we first caught up with each other right when one of them was spewing venom at me in the comments.)<BR/><BR/>I have stayed fairly hidden for a long time because I simply did not want to deal with the fallout. In my opinion, you have been a lot braver than I.Wayward Sonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03473905074288264868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-70957176935172973652008-05-23T21:56:00.000-04:002008-05-23T21:56:00.000-04:00*Sigh* I can so relate to this. What freedom it ...*Sigh* I can so relate to this. What freedom it would be to be able to share our truths with each other and not be scared of reproach ... or at least, to be strong enough within our convictions and our communities to state what we think and leave things to fall as they may. That will be (one day it will be like this, surely) awesome.<BR/><BR/>You must have been so relieved when he opened his mouth and a request came out :)Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01122659239039900398noreply@blogger.com