tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464379738270924282024-03-06T03:41:37.598-05:00A Former Leader's JourneyMy journey into the heart of Grace.Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.comBlogger227125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-60060790917872401922013-09-01T15:39:00.000-04:002013-09-01T15:46:28.297-04:00A Reflector of His Bountifulness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Give thanks unto the Lord for he has dealt bountifully with me. </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6NAzLE9w6LQ89zR8TQwTsyTC9XHl-cEs1u6y-q6Gu_OcTFwdE4FdGNR0Pg0wftw4_5ac7CkgNLLb7ozRQct9NsxpLJpzkG3TnKtILz8Q7h0JLWf-jB6C2bN3mKNX265Tqye0s2oPU3rI/s1600/Fat+Bird.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6NAzLE9w6LQ89zR8TQwTsyTC9XHl-cEs1u6y-q6Gu_OcTFwdE4FdGNR0Pg0wftw4_5ac7CkgNLLb7ozRQct9NsxpLJpzkG3TnKtILz8Q7h0JLWf-jB6C2bN3mKNX265Tqye0s2oPU3rI/s400/Fat+Bird.jpg" width="287" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; text-align: left;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px; text-align: left;"> </span><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px; text-align: left;">It was our first visit to <a href="http://www.nemacolin.com/" target="_blank">Nemacolin</a> and we had won a 2 night stay in this beautiful hotel and spa.</span><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px; text-align: left;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">In Nemacolin's grand foyer, filled with marble, pillars and chandeliers, sat the emblem of Nemacolin - a huge brass song bird. The bird has his beak raised and seems to be singing his heart out. He is fat, showing the abundance and provision of his surroundings. As I stood in this foyer in wonder at the splendor of my surroundings and pondering why this bird stirred something inside of my heart the verse from Psalms 13:6 jumped into my heart and seared itself on my mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">This bird looked like he was singing to his maker and at that instant I knew how he felt. I could never look at this likeness without thinking of this verse. As I pondered the whole thing, I realized that the word "bountiful" was how God had revealed himself, personally, to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">Marshall bought me a silver necklace to wear that I am rarely without and a small replica of the actual brass statue that sits on my hearth reminding me to "sing" to my Father at every instance I recognize His bounty. Some days it is really easy, other dreary, cold sad days it has been a bit harder to do but just one look at that bird and I am instantly transported back to a time where God showed me something of Himself and spoke to my heart and my heart only.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">As I have talked to people I find that often I can see how God has chosen to reveal something of Himself to them. It can be all sorts of various ways - forgiveness, coming to their rescue, joy, comfort, being a teacher, friend, giver of peace and so on and so on. It is as if he has facets of Himself that he gives each of us a picture to show us who He is and more importantly, who He is to us individually.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">Then, just this past Friday, I was minding my own business, simply going about my morning and making my mid-morning second cup of coffee. I was not thinking about God, Scripture or anything "spiritual." I was simply making coffee getting ready for the next part of my morning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">I heard this in my mind/spirit..."I showed you Myself in bountifulness because I want you to BE bountiful towards others."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">I almost jumped as the thought was so strong and from out of nowhere. And then my mind began to race. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">I had seen, just the other day on Facebook someone ask about the big "D" word. You see destiny was a big buzz word in my past Christian life. You were to Find your Destiny, Walk out your Destiny, and Fulfill your Destiny in Christ. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">The thought went like this. We were created by God with a plan that he had in mind for us. Therefore this plan was of extreme importance and it was EVERYTHING to try to find it and not screw it up. It involved living as sinless as possible (sin could keep you from your Destiny), living in the "right" place, going to the "right" church, being aligned with the "right" people and of course marrying the "right" person. How many of us worried that we would mess one or all of these up and never find our "DESTINY?!?" OMG! The pressure was immense. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">But Friday as I stood there with this thought on my heart - that in how the Father had revealed Himself to me was one of the ways he wanted me to reflect him to others - I realized that I may, just maybe, have a piece of this Destiny puzzle. Maybe it is far easier than we have ever imagined. Maybe it is far easier to find your "Destiny" than we have often taught or believed. Maybe we are just to simply reflect the Father's glory as He shows us Himself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">Can you see how every piece of the 'church' could then show the world just how wonderful our God truly is. We would have reflectors of peace, of forgiveness, of truth, of grace. And guess what!?! It is not hard to just show people what you have been shown. It is easy. It is simple. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">Then to wrap this whole thought up let me add one last piece of this ongoing story. I was in our shed today getting it tidied up for Christian and Bethy to store some stuff in it while they are in State College. I was sorting out some of Mom and Dad's stuff that we still have lingering. I pulled out a framed picture of a verse written out with her name "Doris" at the top. I had never seen this picture before. It said,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Script MT Bold'; font-size: 20pt; line-height: 31px;">Doris<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Script MT Bold'; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 27px;">~ bountiful ~<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Script MT Bold'; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 27px;">Give thanks unto the Lord,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Script MT Bold'; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 27px;">because he hath dealt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Script MT Bold'; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 27px;">bountifully with me."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Script MT Bold'; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 27px;">Psalm 13:6<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Script MT Bold'; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 27px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">That's when I <i><u>knew</u></i> this was really important that I get what God was saying to me. This verse was generational!! My parents had always given thanks for what God had given them and taught us to never fear that he would not provide. They had taught us girls to do the same. And, if you stood still long enough in their home they gave of their "bounty" and weren't satisfied until you took it. They were not rich by today's standards but even at the end of Mom's life I stood in her room and marveled with Ruthie at how blessed she was even in the last days of her life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;">So, why do I write this out? First of all because I want to put it down so I remember it. Secondly, I want my kids and their kids to know something. I want them to understand that your Destiny <i><u>will be fulfilled </u></i>as you reflect how the Father has revealed himself to you. It is not hard. It is not complicated. It does not require you to be perfect or sinless or always 'right.' Some days it might require sacrifice or pain. I'm not saying it will always be fun. But I think the whole thing will not be complicated. Remember the idea of the "yoke being easy?" Maybe this is the answer!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I can't wait
for the rest of the story. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A Bountiful
Reflector<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-68714152656399239042013-03-29T08:31:00.001-04:002013-03-29T08:31:41.714-04:00Facebook Friends Awareness Week<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXWyz-rpQQ340p2ixvUqTXTnWJ4eaoX9Fdl6rw16qkkln8vCEwrSRCZPQWsjgjrUReR6-caNOX2p3CnSUJNlfRnssQaDsgloCYsIhDBnAQMYl6IneDEKlNZfJRWgMazvVRT4QXJ2LudYI/s1600/pink.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXWyz-rpQQ340p2ixvUqTXTnWJ4eaoX9Fdl6rw16qkkln8vCEwrSRCZPQWsjgjrUReR6-caNOX2p3CnSUJNlfRnssQaDsgloCYsIhDBnAQMYl6IneDEKlNZfJRWgMazvVRT4QXJ2LudYI/s320/pink.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
If your Facebook page shows none of the above signs in place of your friend's pictures, you might want to rethink that whole "reaching the lost" strategy of yours.<br />
<br />
We say we want to be out in the world but sadly many of us only have friends and acquaintances that are just like us. We surround ourselves with ourselves.<br />
<br />
By the way, I'm not saying if you have the picture above advocating marriage equality that you are not a believer. I'm just saying that it is probable that we are insulating ourselves a bit too much inside what is comfortable if no one on our list of friends is throwing this up this week.<br />
<br />Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-43418983896315858262013-03-22T13:22:00.000-04:002013-03-22T13:22:15.320-04:00Teaching Through a Glass Darkly<span style="font-size: large;">Today on Facebook,<a href="http://www.facebook.com/srcrosby1"> Stephen Crosby</a> said this:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 1.38;">One of the problems in "ministry" as one gets older, is that you have to come to grips with the fact that, unfortunately, people actually believe the stuff you taught them when you were crazy!! You can't be upset for people for still hanging on to garbage you taught them, after you have "moved on!" Someone once said: "I used to "kill" people over things I don't even believe in any more!" Ah . . . God, you truly put your treasure in "clay pots" . . . crazy clay pots at that. </span><br />
<br />
<div>
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}" style="color: #333333; line-height: 1.38;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}" style="color: #333333; line-height: 1.38;"><span style="font-size: large;">It not only drives me crazy for what I have taught in the past, it drives me crazy when I broach any spiritual subject (to even comment on it) in the present. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}" style="color: #333333; line-height: 1.38;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}" style="color: #333333; line-height: 1.38;"><span style="font-size: large;">Even Paul said that we see through a glass darkly - that now he knows in part but then (life after?) he shall know fully as he is known.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}" style="color: #333333; line-height: 1.38;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 1.38;">The Message says this<i>: "We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright? We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly </i></span><span style="font-style: italic; line-height: 33px;">just</span><span style="font-style: italic; line-height: 1.38;"> as he knows us! But for right now, </span><span style="font-style: italic; line-height: 33px;">until</span><span style="font-style: italic; line-height: 1.38;"> that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 1.38;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 1.38;">How do teachers do it? How do we teach through this dark glass, this fog, this mist? How do you know that what you believe and impart to your students, family and friends is true?</span></span></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 1.38;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 1.38;">If Paul himself admitted that he didn't see everything clearly and clung to Faith, Hope and Love...I think that is a good example for me. </span></span></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 1.38;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 1.38;">If my life centers on NOT what I know, but on my behavior that exemplifies Faith, Hope and Love, and if I encourage anyone who happens to be following me to center on these things too, then there may be a place for me as a teacher. If it is dependent on what I KNOW about God, or Scripture...then I'm sunk. All I can do is tell you what <u><b>I THINK I CAN SEE.</b></u></span></span></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="line-height: 1.38;"><u><b><br /></b></u></span></span></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 33px;">It is also what I look for in a teacher. I want someone who tells me that he "thinks it might mean ...." I don't want a teacher that makes it seem like he has figured it all out. And if I don't see faith, hope and love as a central part of his behavior, you won't find me listening at all. </span></span></div>
Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-4687243706939275452013-03-19T19:35:00.000-04:002013-03-19T19:35:49.100-04:00Who are you reading?My blog roll is not as large as it used to be. (I need to go though those at the side of my page and clean up my old blog roll) Many of you who wrote then, quit like me. Life happened to some and they quit. I grew tired of the tone of some and stopped reading. Some took off into other directions and I am so glad for them. <br />
<br />
But others sprang up and took their place. I love the voices that I read. I seem to be able to feel connected with people as I read what they write. I love the inner thoughts spilled out onto this interweb thingy.<br />
<br />
One of those authors is Addie Zierman. For most of her posts she takes a phrase most often used in evangelical Christianity and writes about it in the most open and usually profound way. Her post today (<a href="http://howtotalkevangelical.addiezierman.com/?p=1710">God-Shaped Hole</a>) was brilliant and makes me wonder if I should just stand aside and let those of us with a real ability say it better.<br />
<br />
But really, if you don't already have her in your reader then please put her there and go back to read her old stuff too. Like this amazing piece - <a href="http://howtotalkevangelical.addiezierman.com/?p=1594">An Open Letter to the Church - How to love the Cynics</a> or this one from a few days ago - you worship people might like this - <a href="http://howtotalkevangelical.addiezierman.com/?p=1676">Audience of One</a>.<br />
<br />
Other authors I am appreciating:<br />
For a true take on the Grace Message: <a href="http://escapetoreality.org/">Escape to Reality</a><br />
For brutal honesty: <a href="http://www.theveryworstmissionary.com/">Jamie the Very Worst Missionary</a><br />
And a true Elder of the Church: <a href="http://swordofthekingdom.com/">Sword of the Kingdom</a><br />
<br />
What/who are you reading now?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-32840759363996376742013-03-04T11:42:00.000-05:002013-03-04T11:42:14.717-05:00Why Don't You Write Anymore?A close friend asked me (again) the other day if I was going to write on my blog ever again. I dodged the question and did not respond with anything of value to his question. But I have thought on it a lot in the past few days. <br />
<br />
Just this morning I read a post from a dear girl who is at a training camp on the other side of the world. I think it is a YWAM training. She was eloquently describing what she was learning and a bit about the teaching that she is participating in.<br />
<br />
She described that she is in her 7th week at this camp. Last week was on the Father's heart. This week is on Lordship. I found myself wondering how those teachers had the nerve and confidence to stand up in front of these young adults and help to shape their view of the Father.<br />
<br />
And it finally struck me what my problem is with blogging my heart and thoughts now days.<br />
<br />
I'm afraid I will be wrong.<br />
<br />
See, for so long I was wrong about so much. I was wrong about church life and practice. I was wrong about not only my view of God but what I taught others. I was wrong in part with how I raised my children. I was wrong in how I manipulated each and every relationship I touched.<br />
<br />
Previously, much of this blog was about deconstruction. It was about pointing out where I and others were wrong. It was about putting a stop to the abuse that I had participated in. But very little of what I remember writing was about what I believe now.<br />
<br />
See here is the problem. For everything I believe there is someone to say that I am not seeing the whole picture. For everything I think there is another way to think about it. For every way to look at something there is another way to see it. For every way that I look at scripture there is another theologian who disagrees. <br />
<br />
Heck, I am afraid to say that broccoli is good for you because of the studies that I'm sure are out there that say it will kill you in some horrible way. How then can I say that God is like this, or Jesus meant that or here is what I think Scripture says on this or I think you should raise your kids like this. <br />
<br />
I find myself wondering how can I speak into a world that is so filled with everyone who knows for sure that they are right. (And they just might be)<br />
<br />
And so my fear silences me.<br />
<br />
But here is one thing about me that I know. I HATE fear. I loath it. Whenever I see it I want it dead. Whenever I sense fear in me I want to conquer it. It will not rule me.<br />
<br />
Therefore I am going to write a bit here again. Maybe I'll write about something I am learning. Maybe I'll pass along something I'm reading. But I'm not going to let myself be silenced out of fear that I am not completely, 100 percent right. <br />
<br />
You are welcome to follow along again. Or not. I'm going to write for me.<br />
<br />
Conversations, as always are welcome. Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-84065060536016825632012-01-13T07:47:00.001-05:002012-07-12T14:56:41.363-04:00Another Resource - The Heresy of Mind Control (and a dare!)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCyXLTAM8ZyfyOsNbxEQ9uyo6HXEdvZDgzQaCFcY3Rzelyggq8lfZfZ1XSsgv3Wgx9EsS4UTHhnvnX3LIxVPG1Fe2_UrsmdBKE-8QweLyqRe-IjTESWHap97WlkRPCrQPL_BvCxaYenfI/s1600/heresy+of+mind+control.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5697098089014574018" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCyXLTAM8ZyfyOsNbxEQ9uyo6HXEdvZDgzQaCFcY3Rzelyggq8lfZfZ1XSsgv3Wgx9EsS4UTHhnvnX3LIxVPG1Fe2_UrsmdBKE-8QweLyqRe-IjTESWHap97WlkRPCrQPL_BvCxaYenfI/s400/heresy+of+mind+control.jpg" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 308px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 200px;" /></a><br />
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
Sometimes it is just easier to hear the truth from a totally unbiased source. It can be very hard to listen to people's stories and not wonder if their memory is truly good, if they are exaggerating the truth in any way or if they might be outright lying. I understand this. </div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
One of the most helpful things for me in this whole process was to read from those who were not talking about my particular group or even denomination. It was in looking at what they were saying and seeing the stark reality of how closely our group paralleled an abusive environment that I was able to understand that what we were doing was harmful.</div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
I found another resource this week that again will cause you to re-evaluate all that we did and participated in while at this Church.</div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
Stephen Martin, a counselor from Wellspring in Ohio (a group that helps people coming out of controlling groups and/or cults) has written a clear, concise book about how mind control works in a group. </div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
He says in the introduction, "<span style="background-color: transparent; border-width: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Suppose you move to a different area, and are keeping your eyes open for a good group to belong to (a social club, a church, a synagogue, or service organization). You visit one such group where the people are very friendly, loving, and give you individual attention. The group has a variety of programs: a rehabilitation program for drug addicts, services and nursing homes for the elderly, help for the poor, and free clinics. The leader inspires the disillusioned, the disenchanted, and those who have been rejected elsewhere. He is well-known and respected in the area, and the mayor gave him a position as Director of the City Housing Authority. Would you join this group?" - You just joined Jim Jone's group! He goes on to explain his book this way, "<span style="background-color: transparent; border-width: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Are there any warning signs that a group and its leader are dangerous? That’s largely what this book is about. "</span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; border-width: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: transparent; border-width: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Now I'm NOT saying that this Church will start passing out the Kool-aid next Sunday. I am saying that if you will read this it will become clear to you why the abuse keeps happening and why story after story continues to churn out of this group of people's lives being destroyed and their faith shaken.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; border-width: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: transparent; border-width: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It is NOT WRONG to read and consider an opposing viewpoint. If you went to a dealership and wanted to buy a particular model of car and the salesman, after explaining all the wonderful features of the car urged you to NOT go and read Consumer Report's review on this car nor hear anyone's concerns on the web about this car, you would be the FIRST to go and look that up. Information, even from those who are in disagreement, is not "Poison" to read. If you cannot look at the opposing viewpoint and refute it within your own heart and mind then you truly are not "free" as you claim.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; border-width: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: transparent; border-width: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The free download of this book can be found here: <a href="http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #e62929; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx</a></span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
For those leaders at this Church that read here I simply dare you to read this and have a discussion with me.</div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-47112333596969967312012-01-08T12:55:00.001-05:002012-01-08T15:02:51.302-05:00The Story of a Flock - A Parable<p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">My story begins as we begin to see a small flock off in the distance. It is a small flock of sheep. As we get closer we can see that this flock is like most other flocks we have seen. Sheep, green pasture, a small fence for protection at night and a shepherd sitting by the small gate who carries a staff for protection and a harp to sing to his sheep. The scene is simple and pristine in its beauty.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">As we move even closer we find that this flock is newly formed. The Great Shepherd had called out to various sheep and they had come together for protection, fellowship and feeding and to just be together with the Shepherd. As we start to move among them we notice that the Great Shepherd had been very specific in his calling because from a distance all the sheep looked the same but up close you began to see how each sheep differed in its personality and calling. </p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">There were sheep that loved to study the Shepherd and explain to the other sheep all that was being learned. There were sheep that understood the shepherd’s harp – its purpose and design. They could play various instruments and sing and when they did the whole flock stood awed at the sound and would even join in to sing songs of the Shepherd with them. There were sheep that wanted to do nothing but mingle amongst the other sheep to look for those who had hurt themselves. These sheep understood the art of binding the wounds and healing the hurts. They could find pastures during the day to make sure the sheep were getting the needed nourishment and clear healing water. Other sheep did nothing but gaze out at the range and look for sheep who had never heard of a Shepherd. Once spotted, they would rush out to tell of the wonders of their Shepherd. And yes, there were a few sheep that could seemingly see the gifts given to each sheep and help to set the flock up to where all the sheep could function in their gifts and be used to the best of the flock. Even though these sheep had this gift they always remembered that they were also just sheep and that it was the Shepherd that truly was in charge of the flock. </p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">The Shepherd saw that this was good. He would regularly mingle amongst the sheep and it was not long before you realized that this Shepherd had a relationship with each of the sheep. He would speak softly to each one. His words, when overheard, were words of encouragement, direction, explanation, and sometimes even correction but were always given with so much grace and peace that the whole flock trusted this Shepherd.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">No, this flock was not perfect. Sometimes the sheep would fight. There were even bites given and received and the ones who carried the bandages and salve would be called upon to help to heal the hurts. Some of the sheep did not understand the gifts given to other sheep and felt that the work that they deemed most important was being overlooked. Sometimes the sheep that had the gift of organization would become a bit overbearing and sometimes forgot that ultimately it was up to the Shepherd to lead the sheep. But for all the messiness in the flock it was still a place of joy and peace.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">I, as the author of this piece, am going to transport you to 15 years into the future and describe what happened to this flock. </p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">As we draw close to the flock we see again that there are just sheep in the space where we left them but it does not take long to start to see significant differences. What you will now see will break your heart.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">The first thing that catches your eye is the fence. What used to be a simple fence around a lush field of grass and a spring with a simple gate for coming and going is now a fence of a fortress around a dried patch of dirt and a tiny polluted spring in the corner. The fence is massive and it is evident that great time has been spent constructing it. There are watchtowers at each corner as if someone is expecting an imminent attack upon the flock. At the gate no longer sits the Shepherd but there are sheep placed there as guards in full battle gear. </p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">As you draw closer you began to notice a difference in how the sheep are standing. There are rows and rows of sheep. They are not grazing contentedly as we last saw. There is no sign of the Shepherd walking among them like before. They eat in rows, they do their duties in rows and even though there seems to be smiles on each face there is no feeling of joy left in the flock.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">It is then that one of the most alarming things becomes apparent. A few of the sheep no longer walk on all fours. There are about 10 of them that have somehow decided to walk upright on two feet. It is soon evident that these sheep are the ones in charge. Out of the 10 or so sheep that walk uprightly you see that a few of these sheep are wearing beautiful woolen clothing, carry a staff and wear a crown on their heads. All sheep stop when the crowned ones speak. The crowned ones give an order and the other upright sheep make sure that the common sheep understand the order and heed it. Then you understand the rows of sheep all facing the same direction. It is at the command of the crowned ones and the work of the other upright ones that the sheep are kept in this rigid order.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">As you mingle among the common sheep you are startled at how shorn they are. Their wool has been shorn far too often to give them any protection from the weather and the elements. They seem to shiver at the slightest wind. Your heart breaks for them as you see the sheep line up for yet another shearing over in the corner of the pen. When you ask them why they are giving their wool away so often at their own expense they will tell you that in giving their wool away they will be blessed and not fall under a curse of the Great Shepherd. Their shivering they are glad to bear.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">At this revelation you are simply shocked. Why would the Great Shepherd want your wool in such an extreme measure, you ask. Don’t they see that the wool they are giving are only going towards the reinforcement and building of the walls around their flock and to outfit the crowned and upright ones in wonderful, rich, woolen clothing? And who ever told them that the Great Shepherd would curse them? Don’t they remember how he walked among them in such a loving way? How he made sure that they were fed and warm and loved? Where was the Great Shepherd anyway? Had anyone seen him recently? Yes, they assure you. The crowned one meets with him every morning. He gets his orders from the Great Shepherd and then they all follow those orders. They grow tired of my questions and start accusing me of being a questioner and bringing division. Most start to ignore me.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">I decide to go and speak to the upright ones and ask why the shearing is taking place and why the sheep are left cold and shivering in the elements. They are also shorn but carry with them blankets of thin wool that help to ward off the cold. When you inquire of them you are met with instant glares of anger and derision. They point to the head crowned one and tell you that he is the one that sets the pace for the shearing. This crowned one is not to be questioned as his tall stature allows him to hear the Great Shepherd far more easily than the common sheep. The days of the Great Shepherd speaking to each of the sheep individually is now been replaced with this crowned one hearing instead for the sheep. After all, they say, the Great Shepherd has set the flock in order in this day and age and this is how it is to be done. </p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">Your attention is now turned to the crowned one. His clothes are the finest and his feet are shod in the finest sheepskin. His wool has been shorn too but not as short. Even if it were short the fine woolen clothing would keep him warm. There is an air of authority that surrounds him but also fear. As he walks among the sheep you see them cower before him. Some come and bow at his feet and give him gifts of their wool. Others offer to carry his staff hoping that they too will be called upon to be one of the upright ones. Some garner his smile while others seem to garner his anger. As you listen in to what is being said by the crowned one to the common sheep that day you are left in disbelief. This day he is walking among the sheep and telling them what will happen if they leave the walls he has built up around them. He warns them of certain disasters that will befall them should they leave his protection. “The Great Shepherd is only here in this pen,” he tells them. “If you leave you will leave the protection of the Great Shepherd. Your children will wander off cliffs, your wives will leave you for other sheep, your wool will never grow back and you will never hear the voice of the Great Shepherd again.”</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">As you sit there in anger, wondering what exactly you should do or say you see a small sheep come up from the ranks of those who are called upon to sing songs of the Shepherd. She speaks up and tells the crowned one that the things he is telling the sheep are simply not true. She knows the Great Shepherd and He has never said such things. Her voice trembles as she gently rebukes the crowned one. As she gathers even more courage she further confronts him on the schedule of shearing and points out that the sheep are cold and being left to shiver in the elements.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">You would have thought that this little sheep had grabbed a club and had commenced beating the crowned head of the upright sheep with what happened next. Suddenly from out of nowhere the upright ones come and stand in between the crowned one and the newly exposed questioner. They begin to yell and scream at her for daring to question the crowned one. She begins to quake in fear of their attack on her. She is accused of pride, arrogance, disloyalty, and every other sin they can think of. No one – not one - ever answers the question she brought to the crowned one. But now all attention is turned on her and how very ugly and deficient she is in the flock. </p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">When she does not back down but demands that her questions get answered she is dragged to the gates and thrown out. Along the way her skin is accidently pierced by the sword that one of the guards is carrying as he stands in front of the gate. Her head is banged against the planking as she is discarded outside. And her front leg is sprained as she lands on the unforgiving ground outside the gate.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">Now left broken and bleeding she is sure that the other sheep inside will come out and help her. They do love her she tells herself. They will come. She begins to call to them. No one moves. Then at last with great excitement she senses some movement but her hopes are dashed she begins to see the sheep go back into the rows facing the crowned one. She overhears him explaining why she had to be cast out. She listens as he details her “sins.” Her heart breaks as he tells the other sheep that she really never loved her friends. She understands that no one will come to bind up her wounds and so she starts off alone down an unknown path.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">She misses the walls that were told to offer her protection. She misses the warmth of belonging to a flock. She longs to sing her songs with others instead of alone. There is too much freedom in being out here by herself. What if she goes the wrong way and falls off a cliff, what if she encounters a snake in the lush grass, what if they say is true and the Good Shepherd never shows up? What is she supposed to do now?</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">Suddenly around the next corner she finds a cleft in the mountain with a miraculous bit of grass and a small spring and decides to stay at least till her wounds start to heal and she can again walk on her leg or the grass is gone and the spring dries up. Sure enough with just enough to get by she stays hidden here for a few months and begins to grow strong. The grass and spring miraculously never run out and her woolen coat grows thick and she is no longer cold. The nourishment of the grass and spring causes her to become healthy. She begins to venture out, facing her fears that she cannot travel the fields alone. She realizes that there is an inner voice that she had not heard in a long time that warns her of the cliffs or the snakes that lurk therein. She begins to venture further only to find streams of clear water and fields of luscious grass. Joy begins to return to her step and she finds herself singing new songs about the Great Shepherd to herself.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">And then one day she sees a man in the distance. He carries a staff and walks on two feet. Instantly she is afraid and wants to run the other direction to safety but falters. She does not hear the inner voice warning her and there is a smell that reaches her nostrils that she remembers with delight. This is not an upright one or a crowned one. This is the GREAT SHEPHERD! </p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">She takes a tentative step towards him and the love in his eyes almost makes her drop to her knees with relief. She knows this man. This man is good. As they meet, the Great Shepherd gently reaches for her and cradles her in his arms. For long moments she just lays there unaware of time and space.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">As she finally rouses herself in his embrace she asks him why it took so long to come to her. He assures her that he had been with her all along. It was him that gave her the wisdom to see that things were not right in the pen. It was Him that gave her the courage to ask the hard questions. It was Him that was hurled out the gate with her. She remembered and began to understand that she was never alone. </p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">Suddenly she looked up at Him and laughed, “It was YOU!” “You led me to the cleft in the rock! You gave me the bit of miraculous grass and the delicious clear spring! You prepared that place for me to heal and grow strong and have my wool grow back! You led me there didn’t you?”</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">Gently with a whisp of a smile that lit up not only his edges of his mouth but his eyes he said, “Well my valiant one, you almost have it right but I did not <i style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; ">prepare</i> the cleft in the rock, I <b style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; "><i style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; ">was</i></b>the cleft. I did not <i style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; ">lead</i> you to the grass and the spring; I <b style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; "><i style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; ">was</i></b> the grass and the spring. I did not <i style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; ">prepare</i> a place for you; <b style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; "><i style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; ">I am</i></b> that place for you.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">The Great Shepherd then turned to her, set her on her own four legs and said, “Now I have a job I want you to help me with. Will you go back to the pen with me and stand outside the gate and continue to speak to your friends about the truth you now are sure of? Will you be there when they leave or are thrown out to bind up their wounds and tell them of my love for them? Will you explain that the crowned ones have misrepresented me and I am not a Shepherd like they pretend to be? Will you help lead those who are hurt to me so that their fleece can grow warm again and they can hear my voice clearly for themselves again?”</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">The sheep lifted her head and looked deep into the eyes of love and said a simple “Yes, I would love nothing better."</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-size: 13px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto; ">The story ends, at least for the time being, as you see them walk together down the road towards the old sheep pen. In the distance you hear the bleating of sheep who are wounded and bleeding without a Shepherd.</p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-91446618885429796932011-11-11T08:53:00.003-05:002011-11-11T11:28:56.635-05:00Spiritual Abuse Parallels<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">From Ron Bracken of the <a href="http://www.centredaily.com/2011/11/11/2982203/climate-of-secrecy-led-to-crumbling.html#ixzz1dP9MA8VI">Centre Daily Times</a> in State College:</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><i>"To answer that you have to understand the culture that has prevailed for at least as long as Paterno was in charge of the football program. It was, right up until he was removed from his position Wednesday night, a climate of Kremlin-like secrecy, of tightly-controlled access, of rule by dynamic terror. It was understood that if you wanted to be around his program in a professional aspect, you did so at his pleasure and by his rules."</i></span></div><div><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 12px; font-family: Arial, Geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><i><br /></i>Do you see the parallels? </span></div><div><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 12px; font-family: Arial, Geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><br /></span></div><div><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 12px; font-family: Arial, Geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">Climate of secrecy</span></div><div><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 12px; font-family: Arial, Geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">Tightly controlled access</span></div><div><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 12px; font-family: Arial, Geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">Rule by dynamic terror</span></div><div><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 12px; font-family: Arial, Geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">If you want to be a part in any aspect it is at their pleasure and by their rules.</span></div><div><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 12px; font-family: Arial, Geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><br /></span></div><div><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 12px; font-family: Arial, Geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">Whether a university, church or even a family, abuse is bound to happen when these things are present. Just change the names and you have it.</span></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-91353981854337610552011-11-09T12:17:00.004-05:002012-07-12T14:27:17.078-04:00The Log In My Own Eye<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixW6R9FmFwYj9o3_lS38wX340p0Xc2xAVKSCRWsulCCYvLFRrYuA2UhQNLjmFviSCrEd1EH4peLTsAouZQc119xFb-45Hbo8lOSEr7nfINjavdWmfM2RkC7yOwzVQ09-qLHmicdgy8aEg/s1600/nittany+lion" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5673047562676766706" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixW6R9FmFwYj9o3_lS38wX340p0Xc2xAVKSCRWsulCCYvLFRrYuA2UhQNLjmFviSCrEd1EH4peLTsAouZQc119xFb-45Hbo8lOSEr7nfINjavdWmfM2RkC7yOwzVQ09-qLHmicdgy8aEg/s400/nittany+lion" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 120px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 120px;" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">I have no idea where to begin.</span></a> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
For those of you out of the area you may have heard about the scandal that has rocked Penn State this week. There are men that are very high up in the authority structures of Penn State that have hidden the ugliness of child sexual abuse of one of their own peers/coaches/leaders from the public for years. The sheer scope of this horrendous crime has no words in my vocabulary to describe the ache of my heart as I read the accounts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But somewhere in the past few days I began to see trigger words that made me wonder even about my own heart. I’m not going to rehash the Penn State story so you may have to read a bit on it to understand what I am saying, but my first thought was this: In being a leader so long at our church am I ultimately no different than the men who failed to report the crimes at Penn State? Now there were no crimes of a sexual nature that I ever witnessed nor do I even want to insinuate that there were. Nor am I saying that anything I have ever witnessed even starts to approach the gravity of child abuse. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I’m off the hook right? Well... wait – not so fast.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I watched as people were thrown out and left by the wayside with no friends, no support system and spiritually bleeding and never did anything about it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>I believed the system was right or at least “making a difference” in people’s lives. I decided to look at the positive things and not the negative because “Not <i>everything</i> was bad.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>I believed I had no right to correct the leaders. Other leaders needed to do the correcting right?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn’t want to chance the fact that what I was seeing might be a skewed viewpoint and therefore not correct. (What if I am wrong?!) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>I did not want to jeopardize my position within the system.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And ultimately, in my heart, I knew what happened when you questioned the leaders or the system. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>I basically shut up for the support of the system and in that – am I any different? Does any of that sound familiar to the Penn State scandal? Do you see the analogy I’m drawing?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>Funny, the people over at our blog decided a few weeks ago that the real truth needed to come out about the church we were involved in. We spoke up. Ultimately we decided that it might be ok to hurt the system if it will help those who are being chewed up by the same. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>Ultimately, I am asking those who may be tempted to throw stones at Penn State right now to first look into our own hearts and ask forgiveness for staying quiet on things in our own lives that we should have spoken out against. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is there something that you need to speak up about? Is there a story that you need to tell? Is there a system or person you need to confront? Let’s learn something this week in looking at Penn State. Let’s not let the log in our own eye obstruct our vision any more.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-63442201511609665332011-11-02T11:39:00.004-04:002011-11-02T12:14:01.200-04:00I Have Moved On!One of the things I think I have feared the most is both the idea that somehow I might be bitter and with that bitterness that I will not "move on."<div><br /></div><div>I think you might have heard the same thing in your own lives. If you talk about the things that have happened one of the first things said to you by well meaning friends is this idea that they fear we might become bitter and that we "won't let this all go" and "move on."</div><div><br /></div><div>So I fear that since I am still writing about it and explaining what happened to us that the verdict will be - "see, you haven't moved on."</div><div><br /></div><div>Well today I have had a revelation of my own heart that has helped me and I hope will help those who lovingly worry about me. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >I have moved on! </span></div><div><br /></div><div>I have moved on to help others either heal from their own experiences and/or help them out of their present situation by seeing someone else's story or hearing the truth about the spiritual abuse that they are experiencing. </div><div><br /></div><div>And you know what? I think I 'moved on' very early in this blog - almost from the very beginning. If you read "<a href="http://retrofited.blogspot.com/2007/06/reason-for-blog.html">The Reason for the Blog</a>" on the sidebar of this site you will read that my desire back then was that it would help someone else. Yes, I realize that I also needed healing and a place to vent a bit but honestly the minute I was "out" of the situation I began to want to desperately help others like I had been helped.</div><div><br /></div><div>So for those who might be worried about me not moving past this issue in my life, please be assured, I have. Yes, there are still stories to be told and even some repentance that I will still need to deal with in my own life. But my point is NOT to rehash this or to have some sort of vengeance on those still in the system. </div><div><br /></div><div>I've moved from a house called Hurting to a brand new address called Helping. </div><div><br /></div><div>For anyone who wants to visit me there, please write, call or come and sit on my deck and hopefully we can sort out together what Father's heart is for all of this. You may not move on yourself to "help." But your moving on can be to something that God has called you to do and be involved with. </div><div><br /></div><div>For me, today, I'm sure for the first time of my "calling." </div><div><br /></div><div>(Big sigh)</div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-34162297151403169292011-11-01T13:29:00.011-04:002011-11-01T14:26:42.326-04:00I Can't Believe I Once Believed This Stuff!!<span class="Apple-style-span"></span><span><span>I just received a letter from a "prayer warrior" of a leading man in the New Apostolic Reformation (NAR). It seems that Mr. and Mrs Wagner (I think he refers to himself as the "presiding apostle") have been experiencing some severe health issues. Doris has had knee surgery and it has become repeatedly infected and Peter has some heart issues. My heart truly goes out to these people. I know how scary these kinds of issues are - even to the point they are life threatening. I wish no harm to these folks. </span></span><div><span><span><br />BUT - O MY GOD. The letter that just went out yesterday getting people to pray is so much sadder than their physical conditions. They are essentially calling people to fast and pray for 40 days for the Wagners. No problem there. But the reason for the fasting and praying is this:</span></span></div><div><span><span><br /><i>"(We) feel strongly that the warfare that is coming against Peter and Doris is a very high level of warfare. Especially, since Peter has been pulled into the public eye concerning the New Apostolic Reformation (NAR). Consequently, there are pagan websites that are speaking about and against the Wagners and those associated with them and their stance on spiritual warfare. We are also all aware that we are in a season of "demonic high worship/holy days." (emphasis mine)</i></span></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>These people feel that the problems the Wagners are having are directly related to demons and people's curses. What an awful thing to believe. Essentially they are saying that your (our) God is not big enough to protect you (us). We now have to unpack our bag full of charms and trinkets to ward off the evil of these evil people. And just what is a "very high level" even supposed to mean? Can we just make this stuff up? I guess because of the "high position" that Mr. Wagner holds then it takes "high level of warfare" to come against him.</span></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>(Funny that I have not read that there may be sin in their lives because this is the accusation that many make against those outside of their group when we get sick or are in financial trouble. Did Peter and Doris repent of anything they could think of before they allowed hundreds of people to go without their breakfast for the 40 days? Or maybe they are out from under "covering!" That must be it because when we walked out of our last 'church' that is what was promised to us and we know that this "covering" is supposed to keep evil away - Right?)</span></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>This woman goes on to say :</span></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span><i>It is obvious that we need to increase intercession for the Wagners during this crucial time. As the word of God clearly shares, "This kind will only come out by prayer and fasting."</i></span></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>So she takes a phrase out of the Bible (which I might add is disputed to be in the very original text itself) of Jesus casting out a demon that his followers were not having any luck with and applies it to this situation. Again, OMG!! </span></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>So they call as many people as can possible be rounded up (because we all know it is the numbers that will overcome this evil that has beset the Wagners) to pray against the demons that they have - or are being allowed to afflict them - or are in their general vicinity. At least the ones sent by those very evil pagans and their very evil pagan websites. See I told you we needed to rule and reign on those 7 mountains so our leaders can live a life of true health till they pass on into eternity through a non-sickness or non-accidental caused death.</span></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>Now I have been a bit tongue-in-cheek about this but truly I am aghast at what I used to live under, participate in and even teach. We have been called OUT OF FEAR based living. Where there is love there is no fear. Quit fearing the enemy that has been defeated and only has a hold on you if you believe his lies. </span></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>Pray for the Wagners - Yes. I believe in prayer. I believe in healing. But leave all the witchcraft to the "pagans" that you think are so evil. And while you are praying for the healing of Doris' knee and Peter's heart would you also pray that they and their followers quit living in fear and find the faith in the Father's care for them. </span></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>Jesus won didn't he? Can we act like it?</span></span><div><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span></p><p></p><p style="line-height: 20px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.35em; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(42, 42, 42); font-family: 'Segoe UI', Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span style="font-family: Calibri; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "> </span></p></div></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-43406806890676054342011-10-31T17:18:00.002-04:002011-10-31T18:08:00.163-04:00Bitterness - The Scarlet Letter of SilenceHave you ever been labeled "Bitter?" So many of us coming from bad situations fear that we will either sound bitter or wonder if there is any bitterness left in our hearts for those who have either wittingly or unwittingly hurt us. <div><br /></div><div>The idea seems to be this - If you are bitter or sound bitter than you can be easily dismissed, not listened to or your story voided and cast aside. Only the ones who are not "bitter" are allowed to speak. (Sadly, this ends up to be all who are speaking!)</div><div><br /></div><div><div>But can you imagine sitting in a court of law. Someone is giving a testimony on the witness stand and the judge looks at them and says, "Strike this man's testimony! He sounds bitter!" </div><div><br /></div><div>Or can you imagine people in Jesus' day telling him, "Pay no attention to that crazy man yelling at the Pharisees! He sounds bitter!"</div><div><br /></div><div>How about telling a verbally abused wife or daughter to be silent because they just sound bitter? </div><div><br /></div><div>The truth is that any time you give an account of a wrong done either to you or to others you can sound bitter.</div><div><br /></div><div>So many of us have never said anything because we might sound bitter or are afraid that someone might perceive us as bitter. Therefore stories go untold and the perpetrators of the abuse are allowed to continue on with us standing on the sidelines with what amounts to the Christian scarlet letter pasted to our foreheads.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Just being bitter does not change your testimony from valid to non-valid. Being bitter does not change the truth of the matter.</div><div><br /></div><div>Bitterness is a heart issue. Someone can "sound" bitter and not have a bitter issue at all. Maybe they just sound angry. Bitterness is an internal thing. Truly only the person and God can sort this one out. Let's stop judging each other and let the Holy Spirit do his job.</div><div><br /></div><div>The bad thing is we don't even have to have an enemy to wear the label. Often the very ones we are trying to help give it to us. Or for my own part I have to battle back the voices in my head that tell my own heart that I just might be bitter somewhere that I don't realize it. </div><div><br /></div><div>Well today, I'm done. I've asked the Holy Spirit to show me where there is any bitterness. He has said nothing. I am so willing to repent if I need to but I see nothing. Therefore I am going to be free in telling my story as he wants me to share it and to urge others to tell theirs.</div><div><br /></div><div>When you tell your story you have every right to be angry (you might even SOUND bitter!). When you hear someone else's story you are allowed to be angry! In fact if you are not angry then something in your heart is broken. Christians have for too long been silenced by this "Bitter slinging." </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm asking that you deal with your own heart before God and then speak. Don't be silent because you must <i>might </i>somewhere, somehow, in some dark place that you can't see be bitter or angry or be perceived as such. It is not worth watching the ruin any longer.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Here is a post from someone who says this much better than I could every say it. <a href="http://freebelievers.com/blog-entry/the-bitterness-phenomenon">The Bitterness Phenomenon</a></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-32890917527750521382011-10-18T12:19:00.008-04:002012-07-12T14:58:37.462-04:00Losing Your DestinyThe biggest scare tactic that this church will throw at you if you even think of leaving their ranks is that of "losing your destiny." (A quick look at the latest sermon topics will reveal their last one preached in September.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Let's talk about that for a minute.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
People who believe that it is possible to lose their destiny tend to agree to a few things. 1) That you were created by God for a purpose in this life. 2) That God has a "primary" plan for your life for which you were created, and 3) it is possible to either throw this plan away or somehow miss it and therefore lose the destiny that God created for you. (Note - I no longer believe this way because it stems from the Old Testament law and stories and ignores the cross - but that is another post)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now, it sounds very scary to any believer who values loving God to think that they will get to heaven and find out that the very thing that God created them for has been lost, stolen or thrown away. It carries great significance with it. It carries the idea that God will (at least) be mad at you, and for some even hints that you may even lose your salvation. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My biggest question when I left this 'church' was this very question. Will I, or am I, walking away from or losing my destiny.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Well yes. I did. But wait. If, by losing my destiny you are referring to being able to do anything further with this group - then, I certainly lost my "destiny" there at that establishment. No longer would my destiny be to champion their ideals, pay for their ideals or give free labor to support their ideals. And in that sense, and only that sense, did I lose my "destiny" with those who are still there. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
BUT if you are referring to my destiny in Jesus - my destiny that has been planned for me from the beginning of time - then NO! I have not!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I was destined to be loved by God. I was destined to love my husband, my children and my family. I was destined to love those who I am in contact day to day. I was destined to do the works of salvation. But even saying that, my destiny is tied up - not in my ability to walk perfectly - but in the very nature of who God is. He holds my destiny - Not some church or some apostle, pastor or prophet or some group of friends - God. And only He gets to decide if I have lost it! No man - Apostle or not- can declare that you have lost it. When a man holds that power and uses it to threaten you, it is Spiritual Abuse in its rawest form.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Let me assure you that mine and all others who have walked away because we finally could no longer stomach the abuse of either ourselves or other people have our destinies fully intact and flourishing. You won't lose yours either. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You might just understand for the first time what it really is though and that is simply too wonderful to "miss."</div>
</div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-10811923228609757742011-07-03T08:39:00.002-04:002011-07-03T09:03:46.626-04:00Leaving a House of 16 yearsThe other day I packed up my home in State College. Through the packing phase, I really did not feel much. I knew I would miss things about the house but there was no strong feeling one way or the other about leaving it. <div><br /></div><div>Leaving friends was one thing. At least I did feel strongly that I would miss them. But the house surprised me. I thought I would hate getting rid of it and here I was packing up each room and - nothing.</div><div><br /></div><div>Until the last night.</div><div><br /></div><div>I was sitting on the floor of the Front room, folding some last minute laundry when it hit me. But what hit me was not what I expected.</div><div><br /></div><div>I felt I was in a movie or a TV show or something like that where there is time lapse photography. The one where you are in a room and it shows you over time people coming and going and interacting. Sometimes I could replay a scene, other times it was only a snapshot. But the memories I had were strange ones. What came back to me that night was almost magical and spiritual rolled into one. I did not dredge these up as you can do if you try. These just flashed before me as if I had no control over which ones to choose. Some memories were sad, others were happy. Some made my heart hurt and some encouraged me.</div><div><br /></div><div>For those who know me, here were a few.</div><div><br /></div><div>Eating Ice cream out of the carton on our kitchen floor with all the girls and - in this one picture in my head - with Carla and Krysti.</div><div><br /></div><div>Standing outside the back door and asking Julie if she would like to stay in our home until she and Mark could get married.</div><div><br /></div><div>Taking wall paper off the walls with Scott when we first moved in.</div><div><br /></div><div>Arguing with Bina over what she was wearing on the stairs leading to the front door. (Sorry Bina - that is just what came to me at the moment)</div><div><br /></div><div>Seeing again, all the wonderful people and my family around me in the upstairs bedroom when Nathan was born. Seeing the look in Bailey's eyes as she watched the miracle.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sitting in the rocker in Nathan's room when I felt God tell me about Josh.</div><div><br /></div><div>Seeing the front room packed with students eating, laughing.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sitting in front of the fireplace with Kerri.</div><div><br /></div><div>A snapshot of Scott and Carla as they came over after the Antioch meeting about us. Carla sitting on the footstool with Scott behind her.</div><div><br /></div><div>John Kelly sitting in the corner chair of our living room. (not one of my favorite for sure :)</div><div><br /></div><div>Bob Bradbury sitting on the hearth praying for Nathan</div><div><br /></div><div>Bethy on the rooftop watching the stars and another of her sitting in one of the blue chairs with Christian, all snuggled up.</div><div><br /></div><div>Laughing with Britty and Carla in the kitchen about something. </div><div><br /></div><div>Seeing someone's car parked in the MIDDLE of the driveway! (Marshall horrors) :)</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, you get the picture I hope. Here was a house that had many memories buried in it. Memories I was able to share in as it opened the floodgates to me.</div><div><br /></div><div>I loved that last evening in my house. Thanks House for the memories and all the good times and bad that made up our life there.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-88896152271798716312011-06-28T19:14:00.007-04:002011-07-03T08:39:03.863-04:00Hernando Beach<div><br /><div>As promised, I will update you on our lives.</div><div> </div><div>Last year, if yout might remember, we decided to spend a week in Florida to see if we really liked it as much as we thought we remembered. Well, we did. We did not mind the heat or the bugs. (we came in July so as to have the full effect of both :) When we got home we put the house on the market. </div><div> </div><div>Anyone who knows real estate will know that the market is depressed most anywhere you look. State College was not exception. Our house went on the market for a good $100,000 less than what we had been told it was worth a few years before. Still, even at the reduced price it was hardly seen.</div><div> </div><div>Knowing that we really needed/wanted to leave we decided to put it up for rent. Fortunately, in our area (a college town) it rented quickly. I had a crash course learning how to remotely control the computer and phones in the office and put everything scanned onto the computer. We devised all new systems and with the help of my fantasic employees, I was able to work remotely. I love the day and age we live in. 10 years ago this would not have been possible.</div><div> </div><div>Meanwhile Marsh had had his eye on rentals down here in Hernando Beach. He found one in April that sounded too good to be true. A canal house just off the gulf. It would be small but we wanted to see it. We flew down (missing a dear friends' wedding) and scooped it up. I walked into the place and almost pleaded with the realator to let us live here. I almost thought that it had to be some sort of scam (posted on Craigs list, not really sure who the owner was, etc) but we got here and "Too good to be True" became reality.</div><div> </div><div>Every night I walk across the street and breathe in the Gulf air as I watch the sun set. Most night I have my husband at my side. Some nights we persuade the boys to come with us with all their noise and laughter.</div><div> </div><div>Bad parts of being here? The only bad part is not being able to bring my friends from State College. I miss them. Dearly.</div><div> </div><div>Good parts? </div><div> </div><div> - I look out my window and see palm trees.</div><div> - The smell of the Gulf heals my heart.</div><div> - I get to have both a vacation place and a place of work. Anytime I go on vacation I am always ready to get home and do something productive. Here I have that AND watch the sun set each night. This has been the best thing!</div><div> - The sky is so very big. I actually feel like God is closer somehow. I know that is crazy but I have felt like my prayers might really be being heard.</div><div> - Did I mention the smell. My kids think I'm crazy. But it really does something to me.</div><div> - I can go into any store in town and not be braced to see someone who won't speak to me or look at me. That has been such a freeing feeling.</div><div> </div><div>Marshall stopped by a church the other day. A storefront with a sign. As he looked at it a guy in a van that said it serviced pools stopped by to say hi. Turned out he was the pastor although grudgingly it seemed. Said he never wanted to be the pastor but the old pastor died and so he "got elected" The more he and Marsh talked the funnier it got. Seems it might be something we want to explore at least. Who knows.</div><div> </div><div>Anyway, Who knows. We are here and we love it.</div></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-90134369912150559062011-06-27T22:18:00.002-04:002011-06-27T22:29:32.879-04:00A Sad Picture<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOLS02VvWzJp4N1ecCH5PSn1QIpJ39OeNTwpkpiJaH_HjwpP0wjLxGjORhxg4IYjiiHUhkTOcL7DnvskEPXF0d4D2JNqyXfJfya22qjPvBmJxxRCRhyphenhyphenEd7AeGb7GHcxKRPueKo-EXAbOw/s1600/photo+%25281%2529.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOLS02VvWzJp4N1ecCH5PSn1QIpJ39OeNTwpkpiJaH_HjwpP0wjLxGjORhxg4IYjiiHUhkTOcL7DnvskEPXF0d4D2JNqyXfJfya22qjPvBmJxxRCRhyphenhyphenEd7AeGb7GHcxKRPueKo-EXAbOw/s400/photo+%25281%2529.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623090256230136594" /></a>So much has happened. I'll spend some time at my computer and update anyone who is still plugged in here. Short version, we have moved. <div><br /></div><div>The group we belonged to has moved out of the building we loved and prayed over. There were so many prophetic words over this place. <div><br /></div><div>No one to line up around the block to see what God was doing.</div><div>No one to have their lives radically changed in the building</div><div>No great influx of money which would enable us to buy the building.</div><div>No great tidal wave of God's glory sweeping down the street.</div><div>No great movement of the Holy Spirit.</div><div>No great revival of the town or the University.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now the building just sells pizza and rugs.</div><div><br /></div><div>It is sad. Heartbreaking really.</div><div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div></div></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-11177798334346027642010-12-25T08:00:00.003-05:002010-12-25T08:52:59.397-05:00A Whole Heart - A Christmas MuseI think that I became aware that something is missing about the same time that I found out that Santa was not real. All of a sudden my world was shaken. I don't think it was the myth's fault I just think it was the awareness that is suddenly granted about that age of distinguishing fantasy from reality, of knowing ourselves and becoming aware of our own hearts.<div><br /></div><div>Along with that realization comes the potential for realizing something about our human condition. Our heart is not whole. There is SOMETHING missing. At first, it presents itself as just an unnamed uneasiness. We start to reach out for that next birthday, Christmas, TV special or a promise made to us by the adults to do something fun. Later it becomes the promise of potential fulfillment that an education offers us, the job that will allow us meaning in our life or the alluring promise offered in the next kiss, date or the ultimate partnering with another.</div><div><br /></div><div>But, as we begin to find out on that day where Santa becomes a story in a book and something is shattered in our sweet childhood world, a whole heart is a difficult thing to obtain. Just when you hold that new toy and it breaks, just as you plan that outing with your dad and he has to work or just when the sparkle has begun to fade on the new engagement ring with the first real disappointment that all relationships bring you begin to realize that - yet again you are not whole. </div><div><br /></div><div>I think Christians have it worse in some ways. We were promised that Jesus would satisfy every desire. Wholeness was to be found in Him. "Come to Jesus and he will satisfy every desire." Be at the next revival and your longings will be met. God will completely fill the void in our lives, is what is proffered by many pulpits in our country. But anyone who is completely honest with themselves will whisper that the ultimate Christian life did not fill the void either.</div><div><br /></div><div>The thing that makes this so maddening is that all of us have experienced those moments. Moments where it <b><i>did</i></b> seem possible. Moments where the stars aligned and we smelled the vague fragrance of wholeness. Moments of rapture, being, knowing and being at peace. It happened unexpectedly as we gazed that the stars that one night, as we prayed and felt a presence with us, as we looked upon our first born in the hospital that day or as we sat contentedly with a loved one, a glass of wine and a sunset over the ocean. Those moments did (and do) happen but if we even try to grasp them they disappear like champagne bubbles in our glass. We just cannot keep them in our hearts long enough to understand how to corral them even for a day.</div><div><br /></div><div>So what do we do? Some of us become destructive in our pursuit for wholeness. We simply stuff our hearts full of anything that presents itself. We pacify, medicate, distract or try to micromanage our way to happiness. We make expectations of ourselves and others around us so high that we are impossible to live with. We hurt our bodies, our souls and our spirits with our pursuits. We destroy our friendships and the relationships with our families as we demand that they fill the hole that seems to just grow larger and larger. We come to the end of our lives and wonder what has become of that simple love of life that we had as a child.</div><div><br /></div><div>I realized this again as I looked toward our time as a family together this Christmas day. I realized ahead of time that being together, the laughter and joy that will ensue, the gifts, the food, the wine....all will not totally satisfy my heart. </div><div><br /></div><div>I propose that it is only as I become at peace with my un-whole heart that I can even start to experience true joy. As a Christian I propose that Jesus came into this world to walk with me in my desires, hopes and dreams. He did not promise to eradicate them. He came to earth so many years ago so he could also live in a vessel with the same un-whole-ness. He knows that I am made of dust because he, too, was made of dust once.</div><div><br /></div><div>So this day I rejoice at being human. I propose to love my family and friends - just as they are. I propose to love my God for stooping low to understand me. And I look forward to those tiny moments where, just for a second in space and time, I feel whole and wonder if that is really what heaven will be like.</div><div><br /></div><div>Merry Christmas to all.</div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-55063248888650627762010-12-04T09:25:00.002-05:002010-12-04T10:37:13.725-05:00Global Guilt<span class="Apple-style-span" >Does anyone else suffer from Global Guilt? </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >I realized I did through a couple of circumstances. I was reading a book that a friend gave me, (Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh) when I came across a passage that talked about how we deal with living in the age where we have so much information about our world. (And she lived in a world before the internet!!) She says,</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" > <i>"<span class="Apple-style-span" >But just how far can we implement this planetal awareness? We are asked today to feel </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >compassionately for everyone in the world; to digest intellectually all the information spread out in pulic print; and to implement in action every ethical impulse aroused by our hearts and minds. The interrelateness of the world links us constantly with more people than our hearts can hold. Or rather — for I beleive the heart is infinite — modern communication loads us with more problems than the human frame can carry.</span></span></i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-weight: bold; "><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; "><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >I realized, in reading that passage that I am overwhelmed by how to do good in a world that is so very big and hurting.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Add that to the guilt that we as Christians, are supposed to be saving the world.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >For 20 years I belonged to a church that, in my opinion, with great grandiosity defined their role in the earth as having great impact. We, by just belonging and participating, were responsible for keeping our city safer from the demonic, bringing God's kingdom into whatever place our foot fell, bringing righteousness to whatever country we sent our monies or our leaders to and so on and so on. Belonging to that church assuaged my global guilt because I could say, "Look at all the good we are doing." </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Stepping out of that culture for 3 years I have struggled again with how to do good. What is my role as I receive information about the children sold into slavery in Cambodia, the starving mommas in Africa, the children on the streets in Romania or the babies with AIDS that need a family? (And that was all in one weeks worth of reading!) Some information even comes with it's own pile of guilt to help you along. "How can you live in your homes with warm heat when you know children are dying of malaria because they have no nets?" "How can you prepare for your retirement when the people of Haiti are desolate?" Not to mention the training up disciples and spreading the gospel!!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >I was asking Marshall about this the other day as we were driving to meet up with some dear friends in Pittsburgh. We were going to visit them but to also visit their little church. Marsh and I talked about what Jesus had said about the poor. It was fascinating to talk over different passages where the poor are discussed. We talked about not only that, but how very different our worlds are from the world Jesus spoke to. There, the poor were people that actually crossed your path. You knew the mom down the street that needed help or the poor by the gate that were there every day as your passed. We talked about how that was so different without the global knowledge that we have now.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Anyway, that was the topic of conversation in the car. I was so tired of carrying around this burden of Guilt that weighed me down with every click of the internet or every purchase I made, whether it was simply milk for the household or a new computer for the business or, heavens take note - a New TV for the boys!!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Now onto the church meeting. (As an aside - I had told God that I DID NOT want him to speak to us about anything in this meeting. I told him that I did not want anyone to prophesy over us or anything like that. I want him to speak to me in my own home and not have to depend on Him to be at any sort of Gathering that I HAVE to attend to hear him. - Just my issues :)</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >We walk into this old, stately church building. Half of it has been made into the kitchen and eating area as they get together each week on a Saturday night for a rotating schedule of worship, prayer, teaching from any of the members and just being together and then a big meal that each of them donate for everyone on their week. It truly seemed a lovely way to "meet." The other half is the old sanctuary that has been stripped of everything but a few chairs and an overhead projector. As we entered they were singing. I was tense as it is still a trigger point for me to walk into a charismatic service. I went right away to sit in a chair with my friends and bunker down to see what would happen. It was then that I looked up to the banner on the wall across from my chair and began to weep. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Now we all are used to banners on church walls. "Jesus is Lord" "Enter His Gates with Thanksgiving" "Light of the World" and "The Harvest is White" kind of Banners graced many of our old churches.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >Not here! Across from me was the answer to my question of the year. It was a verse from Nehemiah 8:10. And in banner form that reached from the top of a 20 foot ceiling to the floor I stared at this verse.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><b><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i>(Neh 8:10 KJV) Then he said unto them, Go your way, </i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i>eat the fat, and drink the sweet, </i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i>and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: </i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i>for this day is holy unto our Lord: </i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i>neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the LORD is your strength</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); ">.</span></div><div style="font-size: 11px; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><br /></div></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >I looked up the passage to see what was going on in the text that Nehemiah would say such a thing. The Israelites had just found the books of the Law and the leaders had read them to the gathered people. They were in deep sorrow and grieving because they had never heard the words and so were in deep Guilt of where they had not done what was required. To this guilt Nehemiah was speaking. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" >His words boomed at me from centuries from off that church wall. </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" >Go my way</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" >. Do what I do. My way is not evil. </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" > Eat the fat and drink the swee</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i>t</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" >. Partake of the good of life - in fact the fat and sweet are the <i><b>best</b></i> portions of the feast. </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" >Send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" >. I am to share, but the important word to me was "portions." Not the whole thing. Not 9/10ths But a portion. A "portion" is not measurable by anyone as to if I am doing enough. I love the word portion. It is up to me and what I feel God is saying. This was truly liberating. </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" >Don't be sorry</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" > or in another translation, do not grieve. </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" >The Joy of the Lord is your strength</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" >. This life is to be lived in joy not in guilt. And this was from the OLD TESTAMENT!! How much more as we live in the new!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" >I know I asked God not to speak to me there that day. I guess he didn't though. Nehemiah did. But it was just what I needed to hear.</span></span></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-54470281739950566122010-10-25T11:18:00.005-04:002010-10-25T11:36:09.037-04:00Spiritual Tyranny Dot ComHere is a link I encourage you all to explore. In some way this author may have gotten pushed aside as simply a discontent from the Sovereign Grace Ministry churches. The site is MUCH more than that though. He speaks/explains fluently the language of tyranny in all forms - church, social, political. He does this by challenging the very basis of our preconceptions. I have been simply blown away by his ability to make me feel as if I am a rational, volitional thinking person capable of knowing Good and acting on it. (I'm growing a spine as I sit here and read :)<div><br /></div><div>Here is one for those in controlling churches that I think you will be able to digest and go "OMG!! What was I thinking?" "<a href="http://spiritualtyranny.com/spiritual-crack/">Spiritual Crack</a>" by John Immel</div><div><br /></div><div>But don't just read this one article. Go back into his previous articles and simply read from the beginning. It will challenge everything you have ever believed but it will make you look into your heart and find that he speaks what we always knew was true and gives us a platform to actually build something. </div><div><br /></div><div>Interested in church government? Leadership? Politics? or just simply are you in despair because of what you have walked through? Strap on a water bottle and grab your best hiking boots because this is not for the faint of intellect or spirit. (as an aside, there have been times where I wondered if I had the background to understand some of the things he is trying to explain. Hang in there. What you don't understand becomes clearer the more you read and exercise that part of the brain that may have laid dormant for a while. For you brainier bunch...you will have no trouble and actually enjoy the exercise.)</div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-50645903270588571042010-10-04T19:46:00.003-04:002010-10-04T20:01:28.400-04:00Home for Sale<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLbj-xgMg8zweVBLTV-wrjmr9L0UoXpJ7s6jWYoojiPZN7rzJVnnUanRxf2YMBzDcCjU7WuzIOY9Yi8G3XbC1wxOy-z5zFyM4l2qjwHolINYSgpcsxvFBNldjsRam6CXRu6ATR9vUroaQ/s1600/photo+(2).JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLbj-xgMg8zweVBLTV-wrjmr9L0UoXpJ7s6jWYoojiPZN7rzJVnnUanRxf2YMBzDcCjU7WuzIOY9Yi8G3XbC1wxOy-z5zFyM4l2qjwHolINYSgpcsxvFBNldjsRam6CXRu6ATR9vUroaQ/s400/photo+(2).JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5524341878894966930" /></a><br /><div>We put it up on the market today. It is just so hurtful still to be here, we love Florida, it is Marshall's home, it is a good time to build down there, I love the water....</div><div><br /></div><div>On the flip side we wonder if it is the right decision, we do have good friends here, the boys like their schools, mom is happy in her attached apartment....</div><div><br /></div><div>What does God want? Does he care one way or the other? When He said we could leave the old church did he mean we could leave State College?</div><div><br /></div><div>House for sale. Says a lot.</div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-7212042959229097382010-07-14T07:52:00.003-04:002010-07-14T08:34:39.603-04:00Family First<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiq07l15Nm5kJGRf8YvDOldCtrv2ofAeHVgWFJRIGCt5xU5Z8H3UU0EiokZbyoeFjzotJeWE99NGvV5uQTXuzzyXOwzLcHbFQkA25boYATVLXXLnzi5gKjblE4-xzX8ESPQOxMiEj6Qq0/s1600/family_in_church.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 283px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiq07l15Nm5kJGRf8YvDOldCtrv2ofAeHVgWFJRIGCt5xU5Z8H3UU0EiokZbyoeFjzotJeWE99NGvV5uQTXuzzyXOwzLcHbFQkA25boYATVLXXLnzi5gKjblE4-xzX8ESPQOxMiEj6Qq0/s400/family_in_church.gif" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5493738664799767666" /></a><br />Overheard in all of my churches growing up and even in my last church we were always saying, "God first, family second and Church third.<div><br /></div><div>The one that I have learned much about this past 3 years is about putting family first. Because we are out of a church setting and away from any formal "ministry," it has put us smack dab into the middle of our family. It is hard to put anything in front of them because there is nothing else to replace them with. It's just US here on this island for the while. Of course we have people in, one family that has always been family to us and another couple that has become just like family but in contrast to the crowds of people we were used to having in and being responsible for it has really become just our family.</div><div><br /></div><div>What I learned is that I had <b><i>never</i></b> put my family first. I thought I had. I would have been mad at you if you suggested that I had put Church in front of my family but this is just what I had done. </div><div><br /></div><div>It was hard to see back then. Sundays were always more important than family. We never missed one except for being out of town and even then we tried to plan around what was happening. If someone in the church needed something I felt totally guilty and unwilling to say "No," to the request. If we had people over to the house for an event, my kids worked like servants to pull it off. They never got a vote whether to do it or not. That is just what the "Peters Family" did. We worked hard at getting it ready and I often waived off any help cleaning it up by saying, "No, the girls will help me get it....you just run along." We were busy most of Sunday's and I always found church things to be involved with during the week. If there was a crisis with one of the kids, it would have to wait till after the church stuff we were involved in. Family first? Hardly.</div><div><br /></div><div>My daughter just related a story the other day where she remembered a birthday of hers that happened to fall on a Sunday where we had a lot of people over. She had told some of them it was her birthday and I had urged her not to make a big deal of it in front of our guests. I did not remember this day so I'm not sure what I was thinking but we were so taught to put our needs last that I'm sure that is what I was "teaching" her. Yuck!</div><div><br /></div><div>Plus, we were giving so much, financially, to the church that we really did not have much extra to spend on just "us." When I think of all the 100's of thousands of dollars giving in the offering plate and the building funds I am sick. My family should have had that money for college, needed cars, and time together. Family first? Hardly</div><div><br /></div><div>See, I think that somewhere in my thinking putting God-first became putting the Church first. I showed my devotion to God by showing my devotion to the Church. Some of this was my fault for getting my identification from my role in the organization. But some of this was directly taught. Not so much directly from the pulpit but much of it by what was said behind someone's back that was not as "involved" as we were.</div><div><br /></div><div>So I find myself here today, on a month-long vacation with my family. We have the finances, the time and the desire to do this and looking back at the time where I thought we were putting "Family-first," I just shake my head and wonder what universe I was in.</div><div><br /></div><div>It breaks my heart now that I have tasted the richness of spending time with my kids and husband. I love them and would drop anything to be with them. We have grown to relate and listen to each other. It was intense at first. We had to work at it because we had grown up mostly being busy and avoiding the conflicts. But it is so worth it. I love my family. I want to protect my time with them. This is truly God-first, Family-second and Church....Well, Church as it happens around us.</div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-26882983931707643862010-06-29T10:50:00.003-04:002010-06-29T12:21:50.297-04:00Prayer...Still Re-thinkingI have been thinking about prayer the past month and decided to finally put my thoughts down. <div><br /><div>Situation: A close friend of mine had an accident on his bike that also involved their 2 year old son. Both were really skinned up and for a while we were worried that the child had suffered a concussion, a broken arm, a tooth impaction and would at least need stitches.</div><div><br /></div><div>Being out of the church circles for so long now has changed how I react in a situation like this. I realized when the bike accident happened that my first impulse a few years ago would have been to pick up to phone and "get everyone praying" in the church. (Note: this is often done without permission, thus shoving someone's lives into the spotlight that is not even yours to unveil. I'm amazed how much is shared between Christians that is not theirs to share!!! It also always made me somehow feel important that I was the one privy to the information. How sick is that?) </div><div><br /></div><div>In this instance, I simply went over and offered my help deciding whether or not to go to the emergency room, getting the bike picked up and back to the house and yes, praying that the Father would be there amidst the pain and confusion. But it was just me...and them. It was intimate but it was also a revelation to me to realize that I did not need EVERYONE praying to feel like God heard me. I was suddenly confident that <i><b>my prayer mattered</b></i>.</div><div><br /></div><div>Before, I think my faith was watered down. I felt that if more people were praying then somehow I had a better chance of getting my prayers answered. Or if the RIGHT person would pray, then God would hear and answer. Who knew who that "right person" would be. So you got everyone to pray. There were people in the church "prayer warriors" who you just had to call as if they had the special hot line to God. Where did we get this stuff????</div><div><br /></div><div>Now I experienced a surge in confidence. It was just me and God. He heard me. He loved us. He hurt for the skinned and broken skin and pain. He wanted to walk through this with us and who knows, He just may have stepped in and healed a few things. The child had no concussion, no broken arm, needed no stitches and his teeth were all fine. The scabs healed and in a week you could not believe he had looked so bad the week before. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know in a church situation it would have been held up as the Miracle of the Week because we all prayed. But somehow it was so much more to me. It was personal between me and God. It was relational between me and the family involved. It was intimate and I think because of all that, it was also very powerful.</div><div><br /></div><div>I think that we water down our faith when we believe that the more people we get praying the better the chance of God answering. How would I feel about my relationship that I have with my son if, when he needed something or wanted something, he got all his sisters and brothers and friends and their friends to ask me for it. Wouldn't I look at him and wonder if we were somehow missing something between the two of us if he could not have the confidence that he just needed to ask.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm not proposing that we never share our lives with others. I just saw in this instance that those who needed to pray were actually already connected relationally and involved in the situation, therefore they prayed. If I'm having a bad day or in need of finances and a friend drops by and we talk about our lives and they decided to pray for me...I think that is great. But again that is relational.</div><div><br /></div><div>Just still re-thinking...</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-6160941956376217532010-02-14T09:28:00.003-05:002010-02-14T09:48:44.721-05:00Stuck - Not Dancing With The Crowd<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/fW8amMCVAJQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/fW8amMCVAJQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br /><br />I watched this video this morning with a grin that quickly became an ache. See, I get what this guy is saying about leadership. I was the "second guy" to get up and dance. My husband was the "second guy" and I made my family be the "second guy". <br /><br />We validated the leaders. In fact, people would tell us that they would look over at us to see what our reaction to a new thing was going to be and then when we joined in - they felt assured that it was good.<br /><br />But what happens when you find out that the dance you are dancing is hurting people? That it has shipwrecked so many it is hard to count? How do you deal with the fact that you aided, validated and in doing so, hurt those that you were dancing with?<br /><br />I thought for so many years that my validation of our movement was pure and good. I thought that anyone who got hurt in following our "dance" was just doing it wrong and it was their own fault. I thought that submission to the leadership was key.<br /><img src="file:///C:/Users/Marshall/AppData/Local/Temp/moz-screenshot-4.png" alt="" /><br />And the ache this morning comes from the fact that I am so terribly afraid to be the second or even third guy in anyone's dance. How can I validate anyone's leadership? How can I shoulder that responsibility ever again? Even if I were the 50th person or the 100th person, doesn't that still give me a responsibility that scares me to death?<br /><br />So this morning I find myself home....still not participating in the "dance" of a organized body of believers. <br /><br />It does look fun though, doesn't it? I just can't face the responsibility - not yet.<br /><br />HT: Hamo @ <a href="http://www.backyardmissionary.com/">Backyard Missionary</a><br /><img src="file:///C:/Users/Marshall/AppData/Local/Temp/moz-screenshot-2.png" alt="" /><img src="file:///C:/Users/Marshall/AppData/Local/Temp/moz-screenshot-3.png" alt="" />Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-28570329895916665262010-01-12T16:17:00.004-05:002010-01-12T16:48:21.975-05:00Love and Its SacrificeI've been continuing to think a lot about the concept of love lately. In some ways I feel that I am trying to see everything through the lens of love. For instance, it changes something in to to simply start to ask yourself, "What would Love do in this situation?" instead of the traditional, "What would Jesus do?"<br /><br />One thing I notice is that I use the word far less frequently. It means far more to me today than it did a few years ago. When I speak it, I realize I am making a commitment to that person.<br /><br />I was listening to Darin <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Hufford</span> talk the other day and he was describing his work among some homeless people years ago. He learned that when he told them that he was doing the work because "Jesus loved them" it was far different than when he begin to tell one of them that he, Darin, loved them. When he finally said, "I love you" it demanded that he DO something. He ended up bringing a homeless man to his home to live with him, all because when he said, "I love you," he could no longer let this man live on the street.<br /><br />I realized that what Darin was saying was so very true. I cannot say I love you and then pretend that your needs do not matter to me. Love cannot be ignored. Love, in its very nature, demands sacrifice.<br /><br />I always thought that if I do something for someone I was loving them. I'm beginning to sense that I have it all backwards. If I love someone, the doing will come naturally. I was always about doing. It was exhausting. But if you love, the doing flows naturally. Yes, you get tired and sometimes it does take an act of your will but when you love, something wells up inside of you so that you simply cannot pass by.<br /><br />I wonder if when Jesus said, "If you love me you will keep my commandments," that what he was really saying was that if we loved him we would find ourselves naturally keeping his commandments. I've always felt guilty and tried to DO the commandments to show I loved Him. When I finally let myself be loved by Him I find myself returning the love and then I suddenly find it in me that I am doing what he wanted me to do all along.<br /><br />I have seen no greater love than this, that a man will lay down his life for his friend. Not because he goes around laying down his own life so that he can see that he loves but that he loves and therefore finds himself naturally laying down his life.<br /><br />Or maybe I'm parsing the words and their meanings too much.<br /><br />One thing I notice is that I use the word far less frequently. It means far more to me today than it did a few years ago. When I speak it, I realize I am making a commitment to that person. I like that.Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-246437973827092428.post-59708501170879218522010-01-09T06:51:00.000-05:002010-01-09T06:52:35.636-05:00The Parts of Me - My Father's PassingWe are presently in the days that are preceding my Father's death - or as Marshall explained it to the boys, - his graduation. He will probably pass away sometime in the next few days and so we are with him almost around the clock. There have been a few nights when we have come home from the hospital to get a full night's sleep but other than that you can find us at his bedside most of the day. I sit with Mom and try to guess his immediate needs and then visit with whomever comes into our little space. The visits from my family and our friends are always a pleasure as they pop in to give a quick hug, a smile of assurance, an offer of anything we would need to be met and even a laugh or two.<br /><br />We are not sad in this room. In fact we are probably the rowdy-est group they may have had in the hospice room. To us, this passing will be a delight. We are so glad that we get to attend to this event. All of us want to be there when it actually happens - both to say a tearful good by but also to see the amazing beginning of a journey from this world to the next.<br /><br />Thoughts are flying around in my head as I sit there these past few days but the one I wanted to write about today is about what I see in myself that has prepared me for this moment. It may sound a little selfish to write about myself at a time like this but that is how it is. I am me in this moment and seeing it from my perspective is the only one I have.<br /><br />The thing I notice about myself is that I have several persona that are viewing and participating in this passing. There is the daughter in me, the mother in me and the member of the human race in me.<br /><br />First the daughter in me. There is a little book for children that you can pick up in any bookstore called, Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch where it chronicles the life of a mother caring for her infant son through his adulthood and then his care of her as she grows sick and dies. I find myself as my father's daughter doing this very thing. I sit beside his bed and remember the times where I ran to him across the tarmac as he de-boarded his plane and he scooped me up in his arms. I remember playing with him in the waters of Hawaii as we visited him for a week during his "vacation" from Vietnam. I remember him teaching me how to drive my VW Bug in the back 40 of the property in Puerto Rico. I remember wanting to NEVER see his lips pursed together till they became white because he was disappointed in me. And I remember a day where we were talking about God and he looked at me and said, "Where did you get such a mean God? He loves you, Sis. He is just not like how you have described."<br /><br />So as I sit by his bedside and give him a sip of water to wet his mouth or a cool rag to wipe his forehead, I remember and am his little girl, his daughter. I find myself saying things he said to me as a child. When he wanted to take off his socks yesterday, I said, "Daddy, you are wearing your piggy toes," just as he always said to me. I love the daughter in me.<br /><br />Then there is the Mother in me. Having all the kids that I did, prepared me to care for my dad. There is not much difference in cleaning the butt of a toddler and tenderly attending to the bathroom habits of your dad when he can no longer do it himself. We have laughed in that I can understand his slurred, toothless speech, better than anyone else. Who knew that toddler speak is also a very close form of old man with no teeth speak! I'm an expert translator of both I guess. I have also learned to read and respond to the small gestures of someone who just can not think of the words that are needed to get their needs across to you. I'm in tune what what he wants and needs most of the time. I remember holding my babies and trying to decide just what it was that they wanted. All that practice is coming into good stead right now.<br /><br />I'm so grateful for the mother in me. It allows a closeness to my Daddy that becomes a true delight as I care for him. It does not feel burdensome. I was prepared for this time.<br /><br />And there is the realization that I am part of something much bigger than myself. I am seeing the broadness and circular nature of human existence. I often step back and realize just how our existence, our being and our lives are so absolutely amazing.<br /><br />Carla mentioned the other day that death must be very much like birth. That thought has had me pondering this event like nothing else. I have never witnessed a death but I have been through several births of mine and other friends. I am amazed at the sameness that this has to those. The room where we sit with Dad feels like a birthing room of sorts. His labored breathing, the signs of deterioration, the progression towards death is not unlike the feelings you get as you watch the last signs of someone going into labor. The similarities are uncanny to me. They feel so familiar. I almost feel bad because I anticipate the moment as I would a birth. I'm sure it would be different if I were watching a life passing before it's natural time. But this death of my Dad is not a sad thing to me. It is as natural as birth. It will be a wonderful thing for him. He longs for it and has prayed for it. It will be an answer to his and our prayers. So maybe that is why it takes on the excitement and joy that a pending birth has.<br /><br />So I love the fact that I can view it as part of the human experience - that I can see the full circle of our human path. It is a wonder to me. I think if I could add a phrase to the Bible I would add it to a portion of scripture where David is himself in wonder of the world around him.<br /><br /> He says: "There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand:<br />the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden."<br /><br />To Davids list I would add, "And the way of a life from the newness of birth to the passing of an old man."Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.com7