Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Dreams - When do they stop?

So, a question for those of you who have left your churches….Do you dream about it?

Almost every night I dream that somehow I am running into the leaders of our CLB. It might be them, it might be one of their children but, so far, always one of their family. I am usually trying to explain something to them or ask them what happened. I will plead passionately for them to stop their behavior. I will explain to their kids that I still want a relationship with them. I will be angry and rebuke them for their blindness. It differs greatly each dream. Sometimes I am sad, other times really angry.

The frequency of these dreams are puzzling to me. I usually remember at least one dream per night. Isn’t that weird? I don’t feel bound by their church or their lives anymore. At least during the day I don’t. I am relieved that I am out. I am truly glad to be gone. I don’t even wish to run into them because I know I would never say the things in my dreams because they would not hear it.

Anyway, for those of you who have left - When do the dreams stop?


Erin said...

I suspect it is part of the process.

For me, that went on for a long time, sometimes almost nightly, always I would remember them in great detail.

Now 2+ years out they are few and far between. But they still come once in awhile, mostly about the one friend whom I have not healed from losing.

Marti G said...

Five-and-a-half years out, and I still dream. Two this week. They usually come in spurts, maybe once a month? They usually coincide with something Father is showing me, or conversations I've had with someone. I'm sure the dreams of the past week are related to my finding your blog, typing my responses, and bringing some of this back to mind.

I'm always who I am now... with the lessons I've learned, the path I've walked. The character of the people change, though. Sometimes it's like the worst of the worst times. I'm telling people off, and they're hollering at me with exactly what I figured they thought of me. Other times, though, it's like the most wonderful reunion... we're chatting and discussing and there has been forgiveness and restoration. Those are the saddest ones for me, because I miss the friendship we used to share, years and years ago.

The sting lessens, but it will always be a bittersweet happening, I think.

Cindy said...

I think after 6 months or so my dreams slowed down a lot. Like Erin, after a couple of years they were mostly gone. It's been almost 11 years for me now. I don't even cringe when I run into members of the CLB anymore. You'll get there!

Kelly Sauer said...

I've not really had any dreams about leaving church, not that I can place, but our leaving wasn't traumatic, for the most part.

Still, your post reminded me of the grief process I went through after my first love shut me out and killed his love for me. I found that the dreams, as hard as they were, were a way that God helped me to be honest with Him (and with myself) about the grief. The good dreams--the ones where I got that happy ending--helped me process the grief over the loss of the good times we'd had, and the bad dreams helped me to sort through what was true and what wasn't.

During that time, God gave me a passage in 2 Corinthians 5, about His heart for reconciliation between His children. I thought you might like to check out a poem I wrote about it a while back. (http://songsofarestlessheart.blogspot.com/2005/11/reconciliation.html)

I'm married to an absolutely wonderful guy and expecting my first kid now, but that pain still socks me like it all happened yesterday. In the six or so years since it happened and I stepped out on Him believing He would heal me, I have discovered how near He is to the brokenhearted.

Erin said...

Interestingly enough, after about two months, I dreamed about her again last night. Wonder why that was in my head ;-)

Barb said...

Malegra and Erin,

Sorry, I'm effecting your dreaming!!

Thanks to all who are posting for walking through this though with me. I'm glad I'm not crazy.

Former Leader

Marti G said...

Nope, no need to apologize!!! In fact, the dreams where we're reconciled are a joy to me... and the not-so-happy dreams continue to bring healing, as there is usually something to reflect upon and/or learn from, still!

Anonymous said...

Yes, I had dreams about the church. Heh. In my dreams I usually confront them and yell at them. Very therepeutic. I dreamt about my best friend (who cut off ties with me after I criticised what some leaders were doing) and I often slap her in my dreams too.

So, it's not unusual. There's a lot of rage and hatred in my case, and it had to leak out somewhere.

It took literally years for it to stop. :)

Anonymous said...

Ahh yes, the dreams. Us too. Many of them, even our daughter who left 3 years after us gets them ALL the time. -some of ours are posted at www.preparehisway.com
-so much here is our story too. Wish we could all fellowship and tell our stories. Maybe in the next life, if there are any memories HE does not wipe away.

Anonymous said...

There is always a Demonic Strongman over any church system, no matter how spiritually good the church is. The Strongman gains his power to control and subdue believers from the very existence of the antibiblical Institutional hierarchical structure. When you agree to be part of the church you unwittingly bow before the Strongman.

My wife and I have experienced deliverence for every institutional church we have attended. Sometimes the demonic hold was very strong.

Additionally there are almost certainly controlling Soul Ties formed between yourselves and the leadership. These need to be severed in order to be free.

Sometimes dreams can be strong evidence of soul ties still being in existence.