Friday, October 19, 2007

WWJDWITC – Redefining Sin

The eyes thing the other day has stuck with me. I can’t get over the feeling that I felt Papa’s pleasure in looking at a brilliant tree.

Later that day I was “future tripping.” (HT to "Willie at WindRumors) No- this did not involve drugs - just my imagination. I was imagining another person and my exchange with them. This was not really happening. But in my head it was. I do this a lot and I’m really good at it. I’m so good at it that I can really get into it before I have to pull myself back and realize that I’m not really in that world at all. My blood pressure goes up, I get mad, anxious, and annoyed or whatever the situation calls for. All this is over an imagined exchange with someone that I am not actually having!

But this time I felt something. I felt Papa pull away. I stopped and in the middle of this day dream I realized that God could not look at this person in the same way that I was looking at them. He could not join me because even though I was really mad at this person, he was “especially fond of them.” He was not mad at them and so he could not join me. I lost the feeling of being able to participate in his “being” or in his presence in the same way that I could when I looked at the tree earlier in the day.

The loss of us being able to be in agreement, was palatable. I could feel him draw away. Not out of judgment towards me but out of sadness that he could not see in the same way that I was seeing. We couldn’t agree. He couldn’t participate.

I realized that sin was just this - Him not being able to participate with me in a way that He desires to and the loss of that in my life.

Maybe in all my rules to keep myself from sin, I have missed out on the one reason that may actually change my heart -- His loving, kind presence and sheer enjoyment of sharing life with me.


Sarah said...

Fantastic post! Spot on!

Cindy said...

Barb, I've felt that too, but never tried to put words to it. thank you.

Sue said...

Ah, yes, future tripping. I know it well. I wish I would take all of that energy and do something vaguely productive, like writing a short story, instead of imagining future conversations that may never happen. *Sigh* Very irritating, isn't it.

It's funny how Papa won't go there, isn't it. He just refuses to budge from Right Now :)

Mary said...

Well said! I'll be thinking about this today.

JGW said...

The simple clear revelation that God is speaking through you lately is the best kind. Thanks!