Friday, October 19, 2007

WWJDWITC – Redefining Sin

The eyes thing the other day has stuck with me. I can’t get over the feeling that I felt Papa’s pleasure in looking at a brilliant tree.

Later that day I was “future tripping.” (HT to "Willie at WindRumors) No- this did not involve drugs - just my imagination. I was imagining another person and my exchange with them. This was not really happening. But in my head it was. I do this a lot and I’m really good at it. I’m so good at it that I can really get into it before I have to pull myself back and realize that I’m not really in that world at all. My blood pressure goes up, I get mad, anxious, and annoyed or whatever the situation calls for. All this is over an imagined exchange with someone that I am not actually having!

But this time I felt something. I felt Papa pull away. I stopped and in the middle of this day dream I realized that God could not look at this person in the same way that I was looking at them. He could not join me because even though I was really mad at this person, he was “especially fond of them.” He was not mad at them and so he could not join me. I lost the feeling of being able to participate in his “being” or in his presence in the same way that I could when I looked at the tree earlier in the day.

The loss of us being able to be in agreement, was palatable. I could feel him draw away. Not out of judgment towards me but out of sadness that he could not see in the same way that I was seeing. We couldn’t agree. He couldn’t participate.

I realized that sin was just this - Him not being able to participate with me in a way that He desires to and the loss of that in my life.

Maybe in all my rules to keep myself from sin, I have missed out on the one reason that may actually change my heart -- His loving, kind presence and sheer enjoyment of sharing life with me.

5 comments:

Sarah said...

Fantastic post! Spot on!

Cindy said...

Barb, I've felt that too, but never tried to put words to it. thank you.

Sue said...

Ah, yes, future tripping. I know it well. I wish I would take all of that energy and do something vaguely productive, like writing a short story, instead of imagining future conversations that may never happen. *Sigh* Very irritating, isn't it.

It's funny how Papa won't go there, isn't it. He just refuses to budge from Right Now :)

Mary said...

Well said! I'll be thinking about this today.

Jason said...

The simple clear revelation that God is speaking through you lately is the best kind. Thanks!