May Synchroblog - One Year Checkup

Glenn's Synchroblog comes at a good time for me. It is a good time for an evaluation. It was a year ago this week that we left our group here. I mostly face this week with an extreme gratefulness to those of you that read this blog for your encouragement to me this year. Honestly, I’m not sure what I would have done without your love, encouragement, the transparency of your own stories and the ability to be myself among you.

Glenn askes us 4 questions of which I have answered below.

How am I doing?

I think I am doing fine. (of course an outside opinion is always appreciated!) I am looking forward to the next year with anticipation. I have no idea what it will hold but I am at peace that my Father loves me and wants to walk through this year with me. Here are the biggest 3 that I could think of that play into this question:

I still miss belonging to a group. It is a heady experience to have a group of people around you who believe the same things, are committed to the same goal and who don’t disagree on most any point. I have found that this was not a healthy place but it met needs of belonging that I still struggle with today.

I am wary of much of the groupthink of Charismatic Christianity. I will have a post about this in the coming week of what Father has impressed on me as I deal with groups that may be similar to my old group.

I am still concerned about fellowship for my kids. It is easy for us to make the time and get out with friends and encourage each other in our lives. But to take away the physical structure of a body of believers where my 13 year old son can meet other Christians is to limit him from having that fellowship. I told him last night that if he wants to visit a group and get involved with them that his dad and I would totally support him. I get the whole letting God direct our involvement with other believers that people like Wayne Jacobsen teaches about….I just wonder how it works for our kids. Actually if it were not for my kids and worrying about them I would be totally at peace with where we are right now.

What are you doing?

Mostly, I am continuing in immersing myself in the gospel of Grace. I am living a simple and quiet life and trying to love those that come into my house. I run a small business out of my home that keeps me working on a part to full time basis. I have three boys in school, one daughter that is in college and another who is working part time from home and still healing from adrenal fatigue and other complications. My parents in their mid 80’s live just a few steps from my back door and need minimal care at this point in their lives. Another daughter lives in town and pops in from time to time. And the last daughter is with her husband in Philly. I am totally in love with Husband and we have gotten to know each other so much more this year. We have not joined any formal group or church at this time and spend our weekends mostly with each other our kids and a few dear friends.

What are you learning?

As I look back over the past year’s posts I am amazed at not what I have learned but what the Father has been able to teach me. Mostly it has been a year of deconstruction and self evaluation. Simply put, and to quote The Shack, I have learned that Father is very fond of me. I can’t explain in a thousand words all that this little sentence means to me. It deals with themes of forgiveness, acceptance, delight, joy, hope, peace, awareness and on and on. It truly embodies what I have been learning this year.

What are you dreaming about?

This is the hardest question on Glenn’s list. It is hard because in so many ways it makes me feel guilty. We are supposed to dream about things right? Dreams are visions of what makes us have hope. But I am not at the point yet where I have any dream. It is still too hard. The dreams that others instilled in me were not even reality. As Heather said the other day we had dreams of moving to the next level with God, taking our city for God and walking in more and more power with Him. All of those were debunked as I realized that they were just buzz words used to make people think that they were doing something important for God. And so the whole area of dreams has been dashed on the rocks of reality and I’m not sure of myself enough to dream again. In many ways, I’m afraid to dream again. I don’t want to be disappointed. I live with the hope that Father walks through today with me and for me.....right now….that is enough.

WWJDWTC - Lesson #1: Having a New God

I don’t plan to update this new phase (experiment) of my life (walking away from the wreck) every day. But when something happens, I will post about it.

This morning after several cups of coffee and while folding laundry I remembered that I was going to ask the Father to show me what he was doing today and if he showed me and it was something for me to act on I was willing today. So I did. But as I started to address Him, I inadvertently called him Papa. You see I had just read this excellent post by “Willie,” author of The Shack and the name for God, being Papa, what “Willie” calls God came to mind and to my lips.

Now, calling God, Father, is ok by me. I can see that. I have done that often. It is a common name for God in my head. But frankly, the name of Papa as a name for God seemed kind of hokey to me. It is ok for a novel, or for someone else like a friend that I know who is kind wild and free, but not for me.

But today, in walking away from the wreck of my life in the institutional church I found that somewhere in standing around and looking at the wreck another God had replaced the one I went into the wreck with. This God was so different that I could not even refer to Him with the same name.

I realized that I did not want to walk away from this wreck with my old God. That God was demanding and I never measured up to his expectations – nor did anyone else. My old God would have wanted a plan. A plan for today, tomorrow and don’t forget to work on the 5 year plan too. “Without vision the people perish,” or something along those lines. My chores did not change nations. I would have felt worthless and looked for something that appeared more like his “will.” Mostly, I felt that my old God loved me but was not fond of me. He just wanted me to get to work.

This new God was fond of me and when I called him Papa this morning I saw him smile gently. Not really saw it as much as sensed it. This God wanted to walk with me. He was not so concerned as to the direction we took as that we were walking together. Nothing made Him happier than for me to ask Him where we were headed and could I tag along. He was not too busy for me. He did not care if I had wash to fold, phones to answer and dinner to cook. Those chores were not substandard to doing his “will.” They were what he wanted to do with me today. He was content. My Papa was content. Wow!!........Did you read that? Can God truly be content? Can He be content with me?

Ok, so lesson #1. I have a new God to walk with. I hope He does not mind. I sure don’t.

Another (Better) Review on the Shack

Brother Maynard over at Subversive Influence just did a review on The Shack.

If my review piqued your interest, please read his and you will probably read the book for sure.

Also if you are reading it or have read it or are planning to read it, would you please leave feedback here about what you thought or what it stirred up in you. It does not have to be positive.