Another Resource - The Heresy of Mind Control (and a dare!)

Sometimes it is just easier to hear the truth from a totally unbiased source. It can be very hard to listen to people's stories and not wonder if their memory is truly good, if they are exaggerating the truth in any way or if they might be outright lying. I understand this.

One of the most helpful things for me in this whole process was to read from those who were not talking about my particular group or even denomination. It was in looking at what they were saying and seeing the stark reality of how closely our group paralleled an abusive environment that I was able to understand that what we were doing was harmful.

I found another resource this week that again will cause you to re-evaluate all that we did and participated in while at this Church.

Stephen Martin, a counselor from Wellspring in Ohio (a group that helps people coming out of controlling groups and/or cults) has written a clear, concise book about how mind control works in a group.

He says in the introduction, "Suppose you move to a different area, and are keeping your eyes open for a good group to belong to (a social club, a church, a synagogue, or service organization). You visit one such group where the people are very friendly, loving, and give you individual attention. The group has a variety of programs: a rehabilitation program for drug addicts, services and nursing homes for the elderly, help for the poor, and free clinics. The leader inspires the disillusioned, the disenchanted, and those who have been rejected elsewhere. He is well-known and respected in the area, and the mayor gave him a position as Director of the City Housing Authority. Would you join this group?" - You just joined Jim Jone's group! He goes on to explain his book this way, "Are there any warning signs that a group and its leader are dangerous? That’s largely what this book is about. "

Now I'm NOT saying that this Church will start passing out the Kool-aid next Sunday. I am saying that if you will read this it will become clear to you why the abuse keeps happening and why story after story continues to churn out of this group of people's lives being destroyed and their faith shaken.

It is NOT WRONG to read and consider an opposing viewpoint. If you went to a dealership and wanted to buy a particular model of car and the salesman, after explaining all the wonderful features of the car urged you to NOT go and read Consumer Report's review on this car nor hear anyone's concerns on the web about this car, you would be the FIRST to go and look that up. Information, even from those who are in disagreement, is not "Poison" to read. If you cannot look at the opposing viewpoint and refute it within your own heart and mind then you truly are not "free" as you claim.

The free download of this book can be found here: http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx

For those leaders at this Church that read here I simply dare you to read this and have a discussion with me.

The Story of a Flock - A Parable

My story begins as we begin to see a small flock off in the distance. It is a small flock of sheep. As we get closer we can see that this flock is like most other flocks we have seen. Sheep, green pasture, a small fence for protection at night and a shepherd sitting by the small gate who carries a staff for protection and a harp to sing to his sheep. The scene is simple and pristine in its beauty.

As we move even closer we find that this flock is newly formed. The Great Shepherd had called out to various sheep and they had come together for protection, fellowship and feeding and to just be together with the Shepherd. As we start to move among them we notice that the Great Shepherd had been very specific in his calling because from a distance all the sheep looked the same but up close you began to see how each sheep differed in its personality and calling.

There were sheep that loved to study the Shepherd and explain to the other sheep all that was being learned. There were sheep that understood the shepherd’s harp – its purpose and design. They could play various instruments and sing and when they did the whole flock stood awed at the sound and would even join in to sing songs of the Shepherd with them. There were sheep that wanted to do nothing but mingle amongst the other sheep to look for those who had hurt themselves. These sheep understood the art of binding the wounds and healing the hurts. They could find pastures during the day to make sure the sheep were getting the needed nourishment and clear healing water. Other sheep did nothing but gaze out at the range and look for sheep who had never heard of a Shepherd. Once spotted, they would rush out to tell of the wonders of their Shepherd. And yes, there were a few sheep that could seemingly see the gifts given to each sheep and help to set the flock up to where all the sheep could function in their gifts and be used to the best of the flock. Even though these sheep had this gift they always remembered that they were also just sheep and that it was the Shepherd that truly was in charge of the flock.

The Shepherd saw that this was good. He would regularly mingle amongst the sheep and it was not long before you realized that this Shepherd had a relationship with each of the sheep. He would speak softly to each one. His words, when overheard, were words of encouragement, direction, explanation, and sometimes even correction but were always given with so much grace and peace that the whole flock trusted this Shepherd.

No, this flock was not perfect. Sometimes the sheep would fight. There were even bites given and received and the ones who carried the bandages and salve would be called upon to help to heal the hurts. Some of the sheep did not understand the gifts given to other sheep and felt that the work that they deemed most important was being overlooked. Sometimes the sheep that had the gift of organization would become a bit overbearing and sometimes forgot that ultimately it was up to the Shepherd to lead the sheep. But for all the messiness in the flock it was still a place of joy and peace.

I, as the author of this piece, am going to transport you to 15 years into the future and describe what happened to this flock.

As we draw close to the flock we see again that there are just sheep in the space where we left them but it does not take long to start to see significant differences. What you will now see will break your heart.

The first thing that catches your eye is the fence. What used to be a simple fence around a lush field of grass and a spring with a simple gate for coming and going is now a fence of a fortress around a dried patch of dirt and a tiny polluted spring in the corner. The fence is massive and it is evident that great time has been spent constructing it. There are watchtowers at each corner as if someone is expecting an imminent attack upon the flock. At the gate no longer sits the Shepherd but there are sheep placed there as guards in full battle gear.

As you draw closer you began to notice a difference in how the sheep are standing. There are rows and rows of sheep. They are not grazing contentedly as we last saw. There is no sign of the Shepherd walking among them like before. They eat in rows, they do their duties in rows and even though there seems to be smiles on each face there is no feeling of joy left in the flock.

It is then that one of the most alarming things becomes apparent. A few of the sheep no longer walk on all fours. There are about 10 of them that have somehow decided to walk upright on two feet. It is soon evident that these sheep are the ones in charge. Out of the 10 or so sheep that walk uprightly you see that a few of these sheep are wearing beautiful woolen clothing, carry a staff and wear a crown on their heads. All sheep stop when the crowned ones speak. The crowned ones give an order and the other upright sheep make sure that the common sheep understand the order and heed it. Then you understand the rows of sheep all facing the same direction. It is at the command of the crowned ones and the work of the other upright ones that the sheep are kept in this rigid order.

As you mingle among the common sheep you are startled at how shorn they are. Their wool has been shorn far too often to give them any protection from the weather and the elements. They seem to shiver at the slightest wind. Your heart breaks for them as you see the sheep line up for yet another shearing over in the corner of the pen. When you ask them why they are giving their wool away so often at their own expense they will tell you that in giving their wool away they will be blessed and not fall under a curse of the Great Shepherd. Their shivering they are glad to bear.

At this revelation you are simply shocked. Why would the Great Shepherd want your wool in such an extreme measure, you ask. Don’t they see that the wool they are giving are only going towards the reinforcement and building of the walls around their flock and to outfit the crowned and upright ones in wonderful, rich, woolen clothing? And who ever told them that the Great Shepherd would curse them? Don’t they remember how he walked among them in such a loving way? How he made sure that they were fed and warm and loved? Where was the Great Shepherd anyway? Had anyone seen him recently? Yes, they assure you. The crowned one meets with him every morning. He gets his orders from the Great Shepherd and then they all follow those orders. They grow tired of my questions and start accusing me of being a questioner and bringing division. Most start to ignore me.

I decide to go and speak to the upright ones and ask why the shearing is taking place and why the sheep are left cold and shivering in the elements. They are also shorn but carry with them blankets of thin wool that help to ward off the cold. When you inquire of them you are met with instant glares of anger and derision. They point to the head crowned one and tell you that he is the one that sets the pace for the shearing. This crowned one is not to be questioned as his tall stature allows him to hear the Great Shepherd far more easily than the common sheep. The days of the Great Shepherd speaking to each of the sheep individually is now been replaced with this crowned one hearing instead for the sheep. After all, they say, the Great Shepherd has set the flock in order in this day and age and this is how it is to be done.

Your attention is now turned to the crowned one. His clothes are the finest and his feet are shod in the finest sheepskin. His wool has been shorn too but not as short. Even if it were short the fine woolen clothing would keep him warm. There is an air of authority that surrounds him but also fear. As he walks among the sheep you see them cower before him. Some come and bow at his feet and give him gifts of their wool. Others offer to carry his staff hoping that they too will be called upon to be one of the upright ones. Some garner his smile while others seem to garner his anger. As you listen in to what is being said by the crowned one to the common sheep that day you are left in disbelief. This day he is walking among the sheep and telling them what will happen if they leave the walls he has built up around them. He warns them of certain disasters that will befall them should they leave his protection. “The Great Shepherd is only here in this pen,” he tells them. “If you leave you will leave the protection of the Great Shepherd. Your children will wander off cliffs, your wives will leave you for other sheep, your wool will never grow back and you will never hear the voice of the Great Shepherd again.”

As you sit there in anger, wondering what exactly you should do or say you see a small sheep come up from the ranks of those who are called upon to sing songs of the Shepherd. She speaks up and tells the crowned one that the things he is telling the sheep are simply not true. She knows the Great Shepherd and He has never said such things. Her voice trembles as she gently rebukes the crowned one. As she gathers even more courage she further confronts him on the schedule of shearing and points out that the sheep are cold and being left to shiver in the elements.

You would have thought that this little sheep had grabbed a club and had commenced beating the crowned head of the upright sheep with what happened next. Suddenly from out of nowhere the upright ones come and stand in between the crowned one and the newly exposed questioner. They begin to yell and scream at her for daring to question the crowned one. She begins to quake in fear of their attack on her. She is accused of pride, arrogance, disloyalty, and every other sin they can think of. No one – not one - ever answers the question she brought to the crowned one. But now all attention is turned on her and how very ugly and deficient she is in the flock.

When she does not back down but demands that her questions get answered she is dragged to the gates and thrown out. Along the way her skin is accidently pierced by the sword that one of the guards is carrying as he stands in front of the gate. Her head is banged against the planking as she is discarded outside. And her front leg is sprained as she lands on the unforgiving ground outside the gate.

Now left broken and bleeding she is sure that the other sheep inside will come out and help her. They do love her she tells herself. They will come. She begins to call to them. No one moves. Then at last with great excitement she senses some movement but her hopes are dashed she begins to see the sheep go back into the rows facing the crowned one. She overhears him explaining why she had to be cast out. She listens as he details her “sins.” Her heart breaks as he tells the other sheep that she really never loved her friends. She understands that no one will come to bind up her wounds and so she starts off alone down an unknown path.

She misses the walls that were told to offer her protection. She misses the warmth of belonging to a flock. She longs to sing her songs with others instead of alone. There is too much freedom in being out here by herself. What if she goes the wrong way and falls off a cliff, what if she encounters a snake in the lush grass, what if they say is true and the Good Shepherd never shows up? What is she supposed to do now?

Suddenly around the next corner she finds a cleft in the mountain with a miraculous bit of grass and a small spring and decides to stay at least till her wounds start to heal and she can again walk on her leg or the grass is gone and the spring dries up. Sure enough with just enough to get by she stays hidden here for a few months and begins to grow strong. The grass and spring miraculously never run out and her woolen coat grows thick and she is no longer cold. The nourishment of the grass and spring causes her to become healthy. She begins to venture out, facing her fears that she cannot travel the fields alone. She realizes that there is an inner voice that she had not heard in a long time that warns her of the cliffs or the snakes that lurk therein. She begins to venture further only to find streams of clear water and fields of luscious grass. Joy begins to return to her step and she finds herself singing new songs about the Great Shepherd to herself.

And then one day she sees a man in the distance. He carries a staff and walks on two feet. Instantly she is afraid and wants to run the other direction to safety but falters. She does not hear the inner voice warning her and there is a smell that reaches her nostrils that she remembers with delight. This is not an upright one or a crowned one. This is the GREAT SHEPHERD!

She takes a tentative step towards him and the love in his eyes almost makes her drop to her knees with relief. She knows this man. This man is good. As they meet, the Great Shepherd gently reaches for her and cradles her in his arms. For long moments she just lays there unaware of time and space.

As she finally rouses herself in his embrace she asks him why it took so long to come to her. He assures her that he had been with her all along. It was him that gave her the wisdom to see that things were not right in the pen. It was Him that gave her the courage to ask the hard questions. It was Him that was hurled out the gate with her. She remembered and began to understand that she was never alone.

Suddenly she looked up at Him and laughed, “It was YOU!” “You led me to the cleft in the rock! You gave me the bit of miraculous grass and the delicious clear spring! You prepared that place for me to heal and grow strong and have my wool grow back! You led me there didn’t you?”

Gently with a whisp of a smile that lit up not only his edges of his mouth but his eyes he said, “Well my valiant one, you almost have it right but I did not prepare the cleft in the rock, I wasthe cleft. I did not lead you to the grass and the spring; I was the grass and the spring. I did not prepare a place for you; I am that place for you.

The Great Shepherd then turned to her, set her on her own four legs and said, “Now I have a job I want you to help me with. Will you go back to the pen with me and stand outside the gate and continue to speak to your friends about the truth you now are sure of? Will you be there when they leave or are thrown out to bind up their wounds and tell them of my love for them? Will you explain that the crowned ones have misrepresented me and I am not a Shepherd like they pretend to be? Will you help lead those who are hurt to me so that their fleece can grow warm again and they can hear my voice clearly for themselves again?”

The sheep lifted her head and looked deep into the eyes of love and said a simple “Yes, I would love nothing better."

The story ends, at least for the time being, as you see them walk together down the road towards the old sheep pen. In the distance you hear the bleating of sheep who are wounded and bleeding without a Shepherd.

Spiritual Abuse Parallels

From Ron Bracken of the Centre Daily Times in State College:

"To answer that you have to understand the culture that has prevailed for at least as long as Paterno was in charge of the football program. It was, right up until he was removed from his position Wednesday night, a climate of Kremlin-like secrecy, of tightly-controlled access, of rule by dynamic terror. It was understood that if you wanted to be around his program in a professional aspect, you did so at his pleasure and by his rules."

Do you see the parallels?

Climate of secrecy

Tightly controlled access

Rule by dynamic terror

If you want to be a part in any aspect it is at their pleasure and by their rules.

Whether a university, church or even a family, abuse is bound to happen when these things are present. Just change the names and you have it.

The Log In My Own Eye

I have no idea where to begin.

For those of you out of the area you may have heard about the scandal that has rocked Penn State this week. There are men that are very high up in the authority structures of Penn State that have hidden the ugliness of child sexual abuse of one of their own peers/coaches/leaders from the public for years. The sheer scope of this horrendous crime has no words in my vocabulary to describe the ache of my heart as I read the accounts.

But somewhere in the past few days I began to see trigger words that made me wonder even about my own heart. I’m not going to rehash the Penn State story so you may have to read a bit on it to understand what I am saying, but my first thought was this: In being a leader so long at our church am I ultimately no different than the men who failed to report the crimes at Penn State? Now there were no crimes of a sexual nature that I ever witnessed nor do I even want to insinuate that there were. Nor am I saying that anything I have ever witnessed even starts to approach the gravity of child abuse.

So I’m off the hook right? Well... wait – not so fast.

I watched as people were thrown out and left by the wayside with no friends, no support system and spiritually bleeding and never did anything about it.

I believed the system was right or at least “making a difference” in people’s lives. I decided to look at the positive things and not the negative because “Not everything was bad.”

I believed I had no right to correct the leaders. Other leaders needed to do the correcting right?

I didn’t want to chance the fact that what I was seeing might be a skewed viewpoint and therefore not correct. (What if I am wrong?!)

I did not want to jeopardize my position within the system.

And ultimately, in my heart, I knew what happened when you questioned the leaders or the system.

I basically shut up for the support of the system and in that – am I any different? Does any of that sound familiar to the Penn State scandal? Do you see the analogy I’m drawing?

Funny, the people over at our blog decided a few weeks ago that the real truth needed to come out about the church we were involved in. We spoke up. Ultimately we decided that it might be ok to hurt the system if it will help those who are being chewed up by the same.

Ultimately, I am asking those who may be tempted to throw stones at Penn State right now to first look into our own hearts and ask forgiveness for staying quiet on things in our own lives that we should have spoken out against.

Is there something that you need to speak up about? Is there a story that you need to tell? Is there a system or person you need to confront? Let’s learn something this week in looking at Penn State. Let’s not let the log in our own eye obstruct our vision any more.

I Have Moved On!

One of the things I think I have feared the most is both the idea that somehow I might be bitter and with that bitterness that I will not "move on."

I think you might have heard the same thing in your own lives. If you talk about the things that have happened one of the first things said to you by well meaning friends is this idea that they fear we might become bitter and that we "won't let this all go" and "move on."

So I fear that since I am still writing about it and explaining what happened to us that the verdict will be - "see, you haven't moved on."

Well today I have had a revelation of my own heart that has helped me and I hope will help those who lovingly worry about me.

I have moved on!

I have moved on to help others either heal from their own experiences and/or help them out of their present situation by seeing someone else's story or hearing the truth about the spiritual abuse that they are experiencing.

And you know what? I think I 'moved on' very early in this blog - almost from the very beginning. If you read "The Reason for the Blog" on the sidebar of this site you will read that my desire back then was that it would help someone else. Yes, I realize that I also needed healing and a place to vent a bit but honestly the minute I was "out" of the situation I began to want to desperately help others like I had been helped.

So for those who might be worried about me not moving past this issue in my life, please be assured, I have. Yes, there are still stories to be told and even some repentance that I will still need to deal with in my own life. But my point is NOT to rehash this or to have some sort of vengeance on those still in the system.

I've moved from a house called Hurting to a brand new address called Helping.

For anyone who wants to visit me there, please write, call or come and sit on my deck and hopefully we can sort out together what Father's heart is for all of this. You may not move on yourself to "help." But your moving on can be to something that God has called you to do and be involved with.

For me, today, I'm sure for the first time of my "calling."

(Big sigh)

Losing Your Destiny

The biggest scare tactic that this church will throw at you if you even think of leaving their ranks is that of "losing your destiny." (A quick look at the latest sermon topics will reveal their last one preached in September.

Let's talk about that for a minute.

People who believe that it is possible to lose their destiny tend to agree to a few things. 1) That you were created by God for a purpose in this life. 2) That God has a "primary" plan for your life for which you were created, and 3) it is possible to either throw this plan away or somehow miss it and therefore lose the destiny that God created for you. (Note - I no longer believe this way because it stems from the Old Testament law and stories and ignores the cross - but that is another post)

Now, it sounds very scary to any believer who values loving God to think that they will get to heaven and find out that the very thing that God created them for has been lost, stolen or thrown away. It carries great significance with it. It carries the idea that God will (at least) be mad at you, and for some even hints that you may even lose your salvation.

My biggest question when I left this 'church' was this very question. Will I, or am I, walking away from or losing my destiny.

Well yes. I did. But wait. If, by losing my destiny you are referring to being able to do anything further with this group - then, I certainly lost my "destiny" there at that establishment. No longer would my destiny be to champion their ideals, pay for their ideals or give free labor to support their ideals. And in that sense, and only that sense, did I lose my "destiny" with those who are still there.

BUT if you are referring to my destiny in Jesus - my destiny that has been planned for me from the beginning of time - then NO! I have not!

I was destined to be loved by God. I was destined to love my husband, my children and my family. I was destined to love those who I am in contact day to day. I was destined to do the works of salvation. But even saying that, my destiny is tied up - not in my ability to walk perfectly - but in the very nature of who God is. He holds my destiny - Not some church or some apostle, pastor or prophet or some group of friends - God. And only He gets to decide if I have lost it! No man - Apostle or not- can declare that you have lost it. When a man holds that power and uses it to threaten you, it is Spiritual Abuse in its rawest form.

Let me assure you that mine and all others who have walked away because we finally could no longer stomach the abuse of either ourselves or other people have our destinies fully intact and flourishing. You won't lose yours either.

You might just understand for the first time what it really is though and that is simply too wonderful to "miss."

Spiritual Tyranny Dot Com

Here is a link I encourage you all to explore. In some way this author may have gotten pushed aside as simply a discontent from the Sovereign Grace Ministry churches. The site is MUCH more than that though. He speaks/explains fluently the language of tyranny in all forms - church, social, political. He does this by challenging the very basis of our preconceptions. I have been simply blown away by his ability to make me feel as if I am a rational, volitional thinking person capable of knowing Good and acting on it. (I'm growing a spine as I sit here and read :)

Here is one for those in controlling churches that I think you will be able to digest and go "OMG!! What was I thinking?" "Spiritual Crack" by John Immel

But don't just read this one article. Go back into his previous articles and simply read from the beginning. It will challenge everything you have ever believed but it will make you look into your heart and find that he speaks what we always knew was true and gives us a platform to actually build something.

Interested in church government? Leadership? Politics? or just simply are you in despair because of what you have walked through? Strap on a water bottle and grab your best hiking boots because this is not for the faint of intellect or spirit. (as an aside, there have been times where I wondered if I had the background to understand some of the things he is trying to explain. Hang in there. What you don't understand becomes clearer the more you read and exercise that part of the brain that may have laid dormant for a while. For you brainier bunch...you will have no trouble and actually enjoy the exercise.)

Covenant Breaking, Covering Doctrines and Hearing the Voices Again

Grace, at Kingdom Grace today, posted a bit about Covering and what people say when you have a string of bad things that happen to you. It was great fun in the comments as we poked fun at the doctrine and I chimed in with my few cents.

But this is a serious matter people. I still am reeling from this doctrine. I think it has been the hardest one to extract myself from.

See the other day I decided to do a piece on the practice we had in my old ‘church’ of making covenants. In leaving our group we were to have “broken covenant’ with all the people there. So I was going to write about what covenants are and aren’t and how this doctrine was used to keep people from questioning and leaving our group. I wanted to remember all that was preached so I went onto our old church website (now under a new name) and found the latest sermon on Covenants.

Sure enough there had been one preached in June of this year. As I listened I grew more and more disheartened. Covenant breakers were the evil that the Church needed to purge. They were the reason the harvest of souls were blocked. Those who broke covenant had marriages that had failed, children doing drugs and rebellion, insanity promised and the onslaught of homosexuality and other sins that attached themselves to you.

I knew what was being preached was garbage but then my weekend unfurled. I battled with a daughter over a decision that was going to hurt her – a decision that would have been harder to make had she surrounded herself with Christian friends. Then on Monday, TWO TRUCKS in my business broke down. One had the axle (or something connected to the wheels) actually fall out of the truck. Then an irate customer who was threatening to sue my company for something she perceived we had done. By the end of the day I was exhausted.

But more than that….I was hearing the voices again. “All this has happened because you are a covenant breaker.” “If you were in the ‘church’ you would be protected.” “God knows what you have been writing and thinking and talking with people about. You have talked ill of the brothers and therefore all these things are being allowed to happen.”

I was so mad at myself. I was ashamed to admit that I still heard these things in my head. I was flabbergasted that this man’s voice could silence the truth that I knew to be true.

So….no big ending here. I am more sane today. Best Friend spoke truth to me, Husband reminded me of times that were even worse – while still in the system, an adopted daughter laughed with me at myself, Grace’s post made me laugh too and another friend made me question what is still in my heart that I don’t really believe about God that shows itself when things like this happen.

I guess I just write to let you know that the journey takes a couple of steps backwards every now and then. I think that I’m not the only one who struggles so don’t despair when you find yourself having to deal with it again.

"The Kingdom of Wordland' by VF @ Clarity Rediscovered

I found this series of posts from a blogger who goes by VF at Clarity Rediscovered. It is an allegory with 5 chapters (short posts) that was both staggering in some of its similarity to our own situation and hauntingly prophetic as to what we see the path our CLB is taking.

This is another one of those, "You mean we are not the only one?" kind of moments.

The Kingdom of Wordland

Chapter One: In the Beginning

Chapter Two: Trouble Brews For the Wordlanders

Chapter Three: The Big Move

Chapter Four: A Mass Exodus

Chapter Five: The Aftermath

The Kingdom of God - A Word Study

I have been immersed in Kingdom Dominion theology over the past 20 years or so. I am now just starting to decide what I believe about it. In so many ways I keep surprising myself with Truth that is new to me. I feel like a 2 year old who has just discovered that they have a belly button and are simply amazed by this fact. Everyone else around them is underwhelmed at the discovery but the 2 year old is simply astounded by this great fact.

I am especially feeling that way as I am reading through RobbyMac’s new book, "Post-Charismatic?. " I kept interrupting the Steelers Game last night as I read with amazement to my husband how all of what we were taught as ‘new truth’ was being taught years and years ago. Boy, was I dumb to have not picked up a church history book all these years. - (To his credit Marshall had always said, “Honey, this stuff is really not new.” See, he likes history and actually learned something in Seminary.) (Seminary training was never really valued in our CLB - which by the way is a mark of a toxic group.)

But the other night I was wide awake for some reason so I decided to use my Parsons Quick Verse program and list all the times that the word “kingdom” is used in the New Testament (and one Old Test. verse) – just to see what really is there. (side note: Quick Verse is sooo easy. you just type in a word and it lists all the times it is used. Then you can check out what it means in the Greek or Hebrew)

Below is a brief overview of what I found. It is long so if you just want what I gathered out of the verses – just scroll through the highlighted parts. I’m sorry, but I don’t see ANYTHING that would clearly support the idea that the Church is to be active bringing in the Kingdom of God with the government of Apostles and Prophets? You can read through it and see what you think. What is there though, regarding what the Kingdom of God is, was really good.


This Old Testament verse was the most famous verse taught to back up the whole apostolic/governmental movement.

(Isa 9:6 , 7 NIV) For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.

But wait a minute: Notice that it says the zeal of the Lord will accomplish this. Not Apostles, not gifts, not the Church.

Then in the New Testament the first mention of the Kingdom says it must start with repentance.
Jesus and John (Mat 3:2 NIV) and saying, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near." (Mat 4:17 NIV) From that time on Jesus began to preach, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near."

On to the Sermon on the Mount (Mat 5:3 NIV) "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven..and vs. 10: Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Jesus made it clear that we would never make it on our own: (Mat 5:20 NIV) For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

So Jesus decided to show us how: (Mat 6:10 NIV) your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

We are to seek it: (Mat 6:33 NIV) But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

There are those who will be blocked: (Mat 7:20, 21 NIV) Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.

When Jesus preached about the kingdom signs and wonders accompanied him; (Mat 9:35 NIV) Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness.

His disciples were to proclaim it: (Mat 10:7, 8 NIV) As you go, preach this message: 'The kingdom of heaven is near.' Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.

The Kingdom is upside down from the way you would imagine: (Mat 11:11 NIV) I tell you the truth: Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist; yet he who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.

I’m honestly not sure what this one means but it was preached about A LOT:
(Mat 11:12 NIV) From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.
I think you have to read this through the upside down lens of Jesus’ life. Forceful men who look like servants maybe?

Then lots of parables - some easily understood - some harder:

1) Matt 13:24 like a man who sowed seed and an enemy sowed weeds. The master said to let both grow together until the end. Then the harvesters would sort them out

2) Mtt 13:33 It is like the mustard seed. A small thing produces a huge thing

3) Matt 13:33 It is like yeast -- a little bit changes the whole thing
vs. 44 like a treasure that a man finds, buries it again and sells all he has to buy it

4) vs. 45 like a pearl

5) vs. 47 like a net for a fisherman - gathers good and bad fish that need to be sorted

When Peter believed and proclaimed that Jesus was the Son God the keys of the kingdom were given him. (Whatever that means)

The disciples saw the kingdom come (Mat 16:28 NIV) I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom."

Upside down kingdom (Mat 18:1-3 NIV) At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.


Belongs to the children: (Mat 19:14 NIV) Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Hard for the rich (Mat 19:24 NIV) Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

The Kingdom does not look fair: (Mat 20:1 NIV) "For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. (didn’t pay everyone the same)

Values obedience: Won’t see who you were expecting: (Mat 21:31 NIV) "Which of the two did what his father wanted?" "The first," they answered. Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you.

Jesus’ prophesy about the Kingdom: (Mat 24:14 NIV) And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

Need to be prepared: (Mat 25:1 NIV) "At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom.

About those who get to enter the final kingdom: (Mat 25:34, 35, 36 NIV) "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

There will be wine!! (Mat 26:29 NIV) I tell you, I will not drink of this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it anew with you in my Father's kingdom."

It happens with little effort from us (Mark 4:26-29 NIV) He also said, "This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain--first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come."

My favorite: (Luke 17:20, 21 NIV) Once, having been asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, "The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is,' because the kingdom of God is within you."

Jesus said his kingdom is NOT OF THIS WORLD (John 18:36 NIV) Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now my kingdom is from another place."

Even till the very end his disciples did not get it - just before he disappeared out of sight they were asking when he was going to bring it in: (John 18:36 NIV) Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now my kingdom is from another place."

Maybe they started to get it here: (Acts 8:12 NIV) But when they believed Philip as he preached the good news of the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women.

And the kingdom is (drum roll please....): (Rom 14:17 NIV) For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit,

hmmm????(1 Cor 4:20 NIV) For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power.

(1 Cor 15:50 NIV) I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.

Lots of passages like this one on those who will not inherit the Kingdom: (Eph 5:5 NIV) For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person--such a man is an idolater--has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

So that's what I learned. I just failed to find the whole "next generation of really amazing, gifted glow in the dark kind of people that are governed by truly amazing apostles with words directly from God who will usher in the coming of the Kingdom of God in the final days after a great harvest. Maybe I need to keep reading but it was certainly not here - that is for sure.

Old Winskin - Don't Fear the Label

The other day I listened to a sermon preached by Dutch Sheets regarding Lakeland. You can find it here. (scroll down to under his latest letter to a sermon link given on May 18, 2008) While there is much that I would disagree with Mr. Sheets in issues of theology and practice, I was impressed again by the gentle wisdom that this man displays while still belonging to a group of men and women that I vehemently disagree with. He remains the one voice that I have heard that I can even begin to trust. In his sermon he speaks of the role of wisdom and revelation and how to walk the line keeping both in our lives. He then speaks of Lakeland and what he was seeing as problems. (This was given before the whole thing blew up.) It was a call to get some accountability into the mess that was beginning. I was impressed that he would speak about it while it was going on as that is usually the kiss of death to disagree with something before everyone else does.

I had to sift through the first part of the message but when he begins to address his concerns of Lakeland I fully was with him. The thing that stood out to me though was his comments about being apprehensive of he, himself, becoming an “old wineskin.”

For the uninitiated, the idea of an old wineskin comes from the passages in Scripture (Matthew 9, Mark 2 and Luke 5) where the Pharisees and the disciples of John come to Jesus asking why he does not keep the law…why he is eating his fill with sinners and they are observing the law by fasting. Jesus says that his disciples are enjoying having the bridegroom with them and therefore it is party time. Then he speaks the words that every Charismatic follower fears, “And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined.”

See, in the charismatic world, being labeled a old wineskin is paramount to being slapped in the face with a glove and called out for a duel. No one ever wanted to be an old wineskin. It meant that you were clinging to the old ways of God and unable to accept what God was doing now. You were now persecuting the new move of God. You were entrenched in religion and not in the flow of the Spirit. You were stuck in the “logos” word and not in the “Rhema.” At its worst, you were now in rebellion to the authority of whatever “new thing” was being issued from the top.

When Husband put his foot down on the simple idea that he believed that the titles of apostle being demanded were not part of the heart of Jesus and his teachings we suddenly found ourselves with the label of “old wineskins.”

It is again, another one of the straw man arguments that keeps men and women of God, men and women of discernment, quiet and in their respective seats.

It saddened me to see Dutch Sheets so hesitant to bring up blatantly deceptive practices within his own camp and be so afraid of stepping into the label of being an old wineskin.

This is not the heart of what Jesus was saying. At the heart of these verses you can say with certainty that the old wineskin was the Law. He was the new wine - not the next idea of some crazed, authority seeking man or woman who refuses to be questioned. Yes, you can extract at teaching from the passage that the Spirit will do unexpected things and we need to be open to His leading, but the slapping of the faces with the glove of “old wineskin” needs to be addressed.

Men and women of this movement need to get over being afraid to speak up. Wrong is wrong. And if your heart picks up greed, or deceit or pride or false teaching, you can be sure it is. Your heart will tell you the truth. Don’t let those who would label you - quiet you.

I have a feeling that there are those reading my blog who are so afraid of this being true of themselves. Let me ask you a question. Do you long to follow the Spirit to the best of your ability? Do you listen closely to the voice of your Father as best as you can and then try to follow his promptings? Do you gladly receive with wisdom things that might be new to your spirit?

Then you are not an old wineskin. Period. Get over it. Don’t be silenced by this accusation any longer - nor fear it another minute.

UPDATE: Husband insisted I watch the greatest glove slap challenge to a duel ever seen in movie history. You can see it here at about 38 seconds into the clip. Don't blame me for the way his mind works!

Supernatural Words - I'm Sorry, I Was Wrong, Please Forgive Me

Over the past few days my blog has received over 900 page loads. My blog got picked up by a blog and a forum. Someone who was interested in exposing the New Apostolic Reformation landed on my site and started looking around.

I would have expected the pages that they would link to would be the ones where I was ranting about the NAR or calling for Honesty. But no….the page that was linked to and most hit was one of my first posts (The Person Formerly Known As Your Leader) where I publicly repented for my part in the leadership of our group. I wrote it as a response to the posts that were being written as the People Formerly Known as…… (You can see all that were written at the time at Bill Kinnon’s link on his left sidebar.)


As I looked at all the people who were reading my repentance and some of their comments I realized anew that the one thing the world longs for in relationship is someone who will say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong.” Whether it is a husband and wife relationship, a parent to their children or a child to his parent, a governmental official to his constituents or a church leader to his congregation, we long to hear those words.


In the case of a governmental (or parental) role you might think that admitting your “wrongness” would give the impression that you could not be trusted to lead. This is totally opposite of the truth. Admitting you are wrong may at first bring on the, “I told you so’s” but given time, people will realize that you can be trusted more than those who rationalize and explain away their behavior.


The world longs for, “I’m sorry, I was wrong, Please forgive me.” These words bring out humility and put everyone on the same playing field. They cause you to get under someone that you have offended and then lift them up. They heal, they save and they restore relationship.


Those words have done more to repair relationships of Husband and I to our children than all the “parenting” that we have ever done. They have restored relationships of people who had left our church before we did - those whom we shunned and believed lies about.

In the realm of relationships these words are truly miraculous. They are magic. No.....they are supernatural.


Today, if you truly wish to walk in the supernatural, say them to someone. Then stand back and watch a miracle.


Let GodTV air that one.

Disclaimer Needed

Ok, I’m speaking to all of you who blog that are on my sidebar. Yes, YOU, Brother Maynard, Robbie, Grace, David, Bill, Jeff, Heidi, (both of you), Tracy, Glenn, Michael, Alan, Abmo, Wayne and Darin, Paul, and all the rest. I have decided that you need a disclaimer on your blogs. You need to warn people. You need to understand what you are doing and warn people of the outcome of what you are writing.

Let me explain....... I began reading your sites totally excited to find you. I loved what you wrote and identified closely to your stories. I drank in the new things that the Father was showing you. I learned from you. I felt as if we were friends even.

But I never thought I would end up, here, where I find myself.

I am so far away from being able to walk into another Sunday Morning Club and make myself fit. I totally don’t even speak the same language. I find myself longing for the community but unable to even speak the same language. I might as well be in a foreign country trying to communicate as to try to communicate with the common Christian that I find myself confronted with. I thought our lives would parallel the 'church.' At the juncture of our lives where we left, I now find myself at on a course of what was then a 90 degree angle. Only I had NO IDEA.

See I am thinking now. I am able to spot and smell the tainted smell of control and false teaching. Granted I’m sure - totally sure - I don’t have a corner on truth. I can just smell those who think they do. I have woken up. I have taken the red pill. I am no longer in the world of la-la land.

But I remember that world. I love that world. I can taste the "steak." I remember.

Not the bad parts but the parts that put me into community. I long for community. In some ways I relate to a drug addict where the drugs induced a state of mind that was so easily attainable that real life paled in comparison. Community in the institutional church was like that. Instantaneous and easy to obtain. Instant gratification. Instant friends. Instant community. Instant goals and ideals. We were one.

But we weren’t. When questioned, it disappeared like a vapor. Friendships disappeared. Community vanished.

I miss it so much today.

So to all of you who write in such a subversive fashion, let me say this. You should warn people. WE should warn people. We should say something like this:

Beware all who land on this site. This site may enable you to see truth for the first time. Seeing truth may be just what you are looking for but you need to be careful. Once you have tasted truth you will never be able to stomach lies. You are on dangerous ground if you ever want to fit into the established system. You may lose all your friends. You may not have anyone left to worship with. Your children may be left only to you to raise. God will not be controlled any longer. He will be good but no longer safe in that you will not be able to predict his every move. And as for many of your friends. You will need to be willing to loose them. They may (probably will) shun you, dismiss you and turn away from you despite what you now may think. You need to think long and hard about this because it will affect your life. Please be careful with this site. Only enter at your own risk.

I know that sounds over the top. But today I’m not so sure it is.