Stuck - Not Dancing With The Crowd

I watched this video this morning with a grin that quickly became an ache. See, I get what this guy is saying about leadership. I was the "second guy" to get up and dance. My husband was the "second guy" and I made my family be the "second guy".

We validated the leaders. In fact, people would tell us that they would look over at us to see what our reaction to a new thing was going to be and then when we joined in - they felt assured that it was good.

But what happens when you find out that the dance you are dancing is hurting people? That it has shipwrecked so many it is hard to count? How do you deal with the fact that you aided, validated and in doing so, hurt those that you were dancing with?

I thought for so many years that my validation of our movement was pure and good. I thought that anyone who got hurt in following our "dance" was just doing it wrong and it was their own fault. I thought that submission to the leadership was key.

And the ache this morning comes from the fact that I am so terribly afraid to be the second or even third guy in anyone's dance. How can I validate anyone's leadership? How can I shoulder that responsibility ever again? Even if I were the 50th person or the 100th person, doesn't that still give me a responsibility that scares me to death?

So this morning I find myself home....still not participating in the "dance" of a organized body of believers.

It does look fun though, doesn't it? I just can't face the responsibility - not yet.

HT: Hamo @ Backyard Missionary

Someone To Read

I think I know my readership enough to know that you all will appreciate this guy's writings. His name is Steve Hill. (no another Steve Hill - not the one from Florida) He writes about leadership, apostles, tithing, humility and such. Go to his page and click around.

Start with his Prophetic Word for 2009. He nails it I think.

For another sample try this from his article, Apostles, Authority and the Kingdom of God:

“And he gave some to be apostles...”

When Jesus is the King of His Kingdom, we need a New Testament understanding of “apostle”. The picture of spiritual CEO at the top of the religious food chain is simply wrong. We know the word means “sent one” but may not realize that Paul’s use of the term is in the Greco/Roman business context regarding slaves. There was a fixed hierarchy among slaves from business directors down to those who did manual chores. The most expendable slave and thus, least honored, was the “sent one”. Why? Travel was often dangerous so those sent on errands near or far were those whose loss would be missed the least. They were the most expendable with the least status. Putting “apostle” on your business card then would be like putting “dishwasher” on your card now. \1

or on knowing your place as the leader from his article Better For You:

Jesus, the best, wisest, most anointed leader who ever walked on the face of the earth was leaving the men he had discipled for three years. Earlier He had called them "friends" and destroyed the possibility of any hierarchical system truly representing His kingdom but now he takes it all one step further! He is leaving the scene!
It is better that they know His indwelling presence by the Holy Spirit than for them to have His physical presence! It is better that His friends walk as He walked by inward revelation of the Father and His voice than by outward command! Jesus was so confident of the ability of the Holy Spirit to lead into all truth, to reveal His person and to reveal His Father that He was willing to leave. He was willing to trust His friends to the Holy Spirit! And we think we are needed? (emphasis mine!)

or in Discernment you can read about his take on John 3:15-17. Here he In I John 3:15- 17, here he talks about three agendas that capture our hearts and blind us.

Regarding giving so that your wealth will increase he says this in his article Most of what is taught about money is wrong,

Proverbs 22:16 is a very interesting verse, "He who oppresses the poor to increase his riches and he who gives to the rich will surely come to poverty." Why do we give to the rich? We hope for something in return! That is the same spirit as stealing from the poor! Jesus condemned our propensity to do things in hope of return and commanded us to serve those who cannot pay us back and to place treasure in heaven (Luke 14:12- 14).

Good stuff from someone who is doing the stuff - not just talking about it.

A Sense of Purpose - Painting with a Grey Pallet

As I look towards the New Year this year I find myself struggling with something that is always nagging me in the back of my mind. I realize that it is again one of those "voices" from the past that I still have yet to shake. It is the voice that taunts me, ridicules me, and whispers that I am no longer building anything significant with my life.

In my old church, every act we did was significant. We were the elite of God's Army. We were the ones who heard his voice and we were the ones that were in the process of bringing the Kingdom of God to earth in this day - no in this hour.

Every act of kindness did not stand on its own. Instead, every act of kindness was a blow against the enemy's kingdom.

If you served anyone or anywhere in the church, you were supporting the advance of God's kingdom.

If you gave money, you were planting seed that would be returned 10 or lately 100 fold.

If you gave a gift to the pastors it was not simply a gift. No, you were laying your gift at the feet of the Apostles.

If you sang on the worship team or even just in your seat it was not just a simple act of adoration. Here, you were breaking through the heavens so that the Kingdom of God could come down.

If you prayed you were doing an important job, you were binding and loosing. You were causing something to take place in the heavenlies.

If you were a good parent or a good spouse you were discipling hundreds by your example.

If you were righteous at work - if you did a good job - you were in the process of taking over that secular job for the Kingdom of God.

If you made money in your secular job you were a part of the transferring of the wealth of the Gentles to the Kingdom.

If you kept your home and yard clean it was a witness to your neighbors and thus you were taking part in the great harvest of souls.

If you drove a nice car you were showing the prosperity of the Lord that was promised to the saints.

EVERYTHING WAS IMPORTANT!!!!

This has been the hardest mindset to shake. In a way, it was so hyped up that it felt like a drug. Coming off the drug has made me feel dull. Dry. Worthless. Of no value.

What does my life matter? Kindness is simply kindness. Giving is simply giving. Prayer is simply conversation and worship is an intimate experience. It is all so un-glorious to the side of me that used to get all her importance from what she did.

I seem to be painting in a pallet of gray as opposed to the brilliant colors that were used in the past.

Part of me, I'm sure the drug addict side of me, longs for the brilliant colors of just a few years ago. Those colors made me feel so important - so vital to the work of God.

And so today as I wrote this out I realize that I want to be somewhere else a year from today. Here is where I want to end up next year:

I want God to take this seemingly gray pallet of colors that I now have in my hand and, with me, paint a beautiful picture. I think if I don't give up - If I continue to be faithful with the brush and colors he has given me - that He will miraculously cause my picture to come to life in the most beautiful colors ever imagined. It will exude His brilliance and all who look upon this picture will understand that a miracle has been wrought. They will understand that the simple strokes of gray have been made into color only by His hand.

Discipleship and My Kids

OR

The new pop song right now that is causing such an uproar is Katy Perry’s song, “I Kissed a Girl.” Erin mentioned it the other day and I did some of my own research. (I have a kid who is a brilliant song writer and musician so I felt an affinity for the parents of Katy - someday if she decides to do anything with her music, they could be interviewing me) Here is a girl who grew up in a Methodist home with two Methodist preachers as parents. Her first album (under Katy Hudson) was a “Christian” album. (Here is a link to the lyrics of the album.) But if you ever watched her videos I Kissed a Girl, or the one out on the charts now, you would have assumed that there was no Christianity in her upbringing. Or at least her parents really messed up in her upbringing. That is what I would have thought a year or so ago.

See, I believed that if you would teach your kids about Jesus, maybe even home school them, serve the church with them together and teach them to abstain from the world that they would grow up to be great Christians when they were older.

I know better now.

The thing that has struck me over the past year is the fact that each of my children need to have their own encounter with the person of Jesus Christ. The other thing that I now realize is that I can’t make this encounter happen. I can’t spoon feed the truth to my children and have it change their hearts. Only the Holy Spirit can do this.

I used to think that it was up to me whether they turned out Christian or Pagan. Now I realize it is up to them. Just by getting them to ‘believe’ the right things or mouth the right words or say the right prayers at a young age does not guarantee that they would ‘follow’ the right path. It is more than that.

Jesus did not stroll past Matthew and say - “Believe in me Matthew,” or, “Say this about me, Matthew.” He said, “Follow me, Matthew.” Believing did not make Matthew a disciple. Following did.

Whether our children are raised in a non-Christian environment or a Christian one is not the deciding factor. What our children DO with the information is. They have to look at Jesus and decide whether or not to follow him. And here’s the kicker! Katy Perry needs to decide this but so also does the good little girl who is still un-pierced, wearing modest clothing, un-drugged and is still singing in the church choir or praise team. Because the good little girl is not off scott free just by following all the expectations that her Christian upbringing is providing for her. She too needs to make a choice. She too needs her own run-in with Jesus. Because without an actual salvation experience, she will just become a Pharisee and never a disciple. We might like this better than the Katy Perry’s out there but frankly I think they just might do greater damage.

As I look at the vast differences in my own 7 kids, as I look at their differing personalities, as I discern their separate strengths and weaknesses, and as I see some of the paths that they have decided to take I realize one thing. I need to pray that somewhere on their own paths - whether the paths that look ‘Christian’ or decidedly ‘un-Christian’ - Jesus will some day step into the way and say, “Follow Me.” I pray when that day comes they will decide to step off their path and follow him into the wilderness of the life He wants them to have.

My job in all of this???? To live life with the Father, the life of discipleship, that will make them want what I have. I’m out to make them jealous of my relationship with Him and show them that it is possible for them too. If I do that…I have accomplished the discipleship of my children that I long to do.

And who knows…I might have a tattooed, pierced, little girl who absolutely is in love with her Heavenly Father. Now that would be really cool.

Missional Village Water Wells

This is an entry into Rick’s call for a Missional Syncroblog

After leaving our “church” last year and experiencing the loneliness that comes with that and at the same time understanding that the whole plan of “come to our church” was really not missional, I found myself stuck. What did it mean to reach out to people? How do you meet those pre-Christians if they are not going to come into your building (especially if you are not in the building) How do you make disciples? Heck, how do you even make friends with someone if you don’t go to meetings with them?


It was through another blogger who I have begun reading who said something that made me realize what I needed to find in my life to be truly missional. This was not the point of her post but it has stayed in my head as a missional idea since I read it. Jennifer at Et tu? wrote this in her post of Mommyblogging and the Water Well, (and again expanded on it here)


She writes:
“I remember back in those anthropology classes, I noticed that a common community setup was that there would be a central area where people, especially women, would gather as part of their daily work, e.g. a tribe might have one community fire pit for cooking, or there would be one spot on the river where the women would all gather to do the washing. In particular, one visual that stuck with me was that of the village water well: in some long-forgotten textbook I read the description of a tribal village that had one central well where the women would go to get the family's water. There was some sort of central oven nearby, and this area, of course, became a bustling hub of social activity.”


The need for wells has totally gone away with the convenience of running water. (For that...make no mistake.... I am grateful.) But the necessity for the social needs that wells provided has not suddenly disappeared with technology and as I read that post I longed for the old time central village water well. This was a place where you had to be a few times during the day where you would regularly meet some of the same people, chat about your day, find out the news of the village, keep tabs on those around you, let your children play for a bit while you talked, asking advice from those who had experienced something that you were going through, giving advice to those younger. This was a normal place. A place of community. Some place that you could do Matthew 28:19, “As you are going….make disciples” kind of place. You did not have to plan it, program it into your schedule. There was no “play date” to schedule, no ‘inviting over for coffee” needed, no dinner plans demanded. It was just a part of your day.

I think that “being missional” is, in part, finding those wells that still exist in our lives today. I need to find a well or wells around my city. Places where people naturally gather to do business or take care of their children or play. A place to meet people on a regular basis where friendships can develop. A place to hear others talk about their lives. A place to share my life with them. An “as you are going” kind of place.

Best Friend uses her workplace as one of those wells. She works as a nurse and has formed a community that loves and cares for each other from those she has met and worked with. It truly functions as a "well" and has been very “missional” for her. At this point I run my own business from my home and so a "workplace well” is not one that I can take advantage of.

As I walk out of the institutional church and into Grace I would like to find those naturally occurring “wells” where people meet. I can think of a few to explore and be involved in. Boy Scouts – we are just now getting our sons involved. A gym (maybe… as the ones I have been involved in were not very social) A bar. School groups – PTA and such.

Mostly I am stumped. Can you add to my list? Where have you found modern day “wells?” I’ll update this post if any of you leave an idea.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Update: Jennifer (I mentioned her post above) just published a post this weekend on how some children that have been coming over to her house to hang out are forming a community - a well of sorts - that Father is doing all by himself. This is totally what I am talking of and I love how it was planned and orchestrated directly by Father. Please read here (This Is How You Build a Community) and then read the back story to how these girls got involved in Jennifer's life.

(So far there are at least 50 bloggers taking part in this syncroblog. You can find them here:

Alan Hirsch
Alan Knox
Andrew Jones
Bill Kinnon
Brad Brisco
Brad Grinnen
Brad Sargent
Brother Maynard
Bryan Riley
Chad Brooks
Chris Wignall
Cobus Van Wyngaard
Dave DeVries
David Best
David Fitch
David Wierzbicki
DoSi
Doug Jones
Duncan McFadzean
Erika Haub
Grace
Jamie Arpin-Ricci
Jeff McQuilkin
John Smulo
Jonathan Brink
JR Rozko
Kathy Escobar
Len Hjalmarson
Makeesha Fisher
Malcolm Lanham
Mark Berry
Mark Petersen
Mark Priddy
Michael Crane
Michael Stewart
Nick Loyd
Patrick Oden
Peggy Brown
Phil Wyman
Richard Pool
Rick Meigs
Rob Robinson
Ron Cole
Scott Marshall
Sonja Andrews
Stephen Shields
Steve Hayes
Tim Thompson
Thom Turner

Discipleship - Formulas Ditched

What makes a Pharisee a good Pharisee?
A) Following a good set of rules, practices and formulas?
B) Following a bad set of rules, practices and formulas?
C) Either of the above

The idea of discipleship has been on the front screen of my radar in the past two weeks. Backyard Missionary talked about it one day and that started me thinking. I have picked up so much from many of you this past few months.


As I posted in my post last week we had discipleship honed down to a fine art of 7 disciplines, practices and formulas: Journaling, Bible Study, Prayer and Meditation (Scripture Memory), Giving and Tithing, Ministry, Rest and Teaching (taking notes of sermons). It was reasoned that we could quickly take our notebook with these 7 sections and teach someone in a very little time how to do each discipline. These disciplines would produce Disciples.

The other day when Hamo posed a question about what really works in discipleship I looked back at my life and reviewed it and asked myself some questions: When did I grow because of discipleship and where was the fruit in my own life that actually resulted in disciples being made?

The answer was shocking to me. I realized it was only by living life with people that discipleship occurred - Having them in my home - Me being in theirs. - Dealing with situations as they came up. Living in close relationship with someone and talking with them about how being a follower of Jesus impacted their lives as Father was bringing about opportunities to learn something new. For the most part it was actually people that lived with us for a few months or a year or two that I can look back and see discipleship having taken place. There were a few others that did not actually live in our home but even for most of them, our food bill was impacted when they moved away. In other words we lived alongside our 'disciples'. It actually looked a lot more like friendship and not so much like what I envision discipleship.


That's not much of a formula huh? Vague at best - and in fact no formula at all because it was at the whim of Father as to what part of the Christian life we were to focus on – depending on what he was doing in ours and their lives for the moment. It was all up to Him. Some got a crash course in family life and potty training kids. Others were all about studying the Word. Others got a ‘signs and wonders’ kind of discipleship model. We did heal the sick, cast demons out, teach the word, do what Jesus taught kind of model but not like you would expect. The “heal the sick” could be lived out over a flu bug that ran through the family. The “teach the word” might have been in them helping a 10 year old understand how God could allow bad things to happen to a family pet. And the signs and wonders training may have been in helping someone determine the gifts that God had given them to use in the kingdom. Mostly it was lived out in encouraging those around us to love God and love each other.

And you know what? We were “discipled” right back. It went both ways. Maybe if I were Jesus, I wouldn’t have been discipled by those around me. But I wasn’t. I was just me and these people around me discipled me just as much as I did them.

So you want to hear my Discipleship Formula? Here it is:

Discipleship = Time spent over a period of time between two people, talking about how God was impacting both of our lives and learning how to live as followers of Jesus.

Not very fancy. Not much of a formula or set of rules or practices. But then we want to raise up disciples – not Pharisees. Right?

By the way, I think the answer to my first question is “C”

The Theology of TheEnd Time Harvest and What It Produced in My CLB

Can I just say to begin with that I have NO IDEA what I believe about the end times? Would you allow me that and not throw Heretic Stones at me? I know you will because you are such a forgiving group and you really don’t have to live with me.

The past month I have looked at the subjects of Positive Confessions and Sowing and Reaping. I also have been reading a lot on other’s websites about discipleship. I have found that so much of what I believe was not relational at all. There were so many formulas.

But as I studied, the one teaching that kept croping up in each subject was espoused in our CLB. This teaching actually gave rise to our Discipleship model as well as so many other subsequent changes in our gathering over the years. It was this idea of “An End Time Harvest.”

It went something like this: We didn’t believe in the Rapture (and quite often made great fun of those that did.) We believed instead that Jesus was returning for His spotless Bride – the Church. This church would be spotless but also VERY strong. This church would usher the Kingdom of God into the world. The Bride would establish the government of God in all areas of life, before the return of God, not only spiritual but financial and governmental and social. Along with the ushering in of the rule and reign of the King and his Kingdom was the belief that there was to be a huge end time harvest of people turning to God. Prophecies abounded about this event. For instance, sports arenas that were being built for our pleasure now was a plan of God to have places to hold meetings when this event transpired. Therefore planning and strategies were produced in keeping with this end time scenario. We (those of us who were spiritual enough to pay attention) were going to be good stewards of this event and be prepared, our lamps lit, so to say, for the event of thousands of people being saved. It would be like the great turning to God in Acts – only much bigger. Therefore we needed to get organized. We needed Apostles and Prophets, generals and solders. We needed solid and tight organizations so as to be able to rightly handle all these new converts. The question was always posed, “What would we do if suddenly we had 5,000 new converts show up at our church? Will we be ready? Would our wineskin be able to hold what the Lord had entrusted to us?”


An example of one of the plans devised because of this belief was in our Discipleship model. Our discipleship methods were honed down to 7 disciplines. Journaling, Bible Study, Prayer, Giving, Outreach, Rest and Teaching (taking notes of sermons). It was reasoned that we could quickly take our notebook with these 7 sections and teach someone in a very little time how to do each discipline. We could then disciple thousands at a blow – teaching them to feed themselves and they therefore would be able to teach others to feed themselves too. (More on this in my next post)

So we were thrown into a frenzy of preparing for this world wide harvest. If you question the need for hierarchy, they would point to the need to be ready for the harvest. If you questioned the need for our discipleship practices, they would point to the need to be ready for the harvest. If you pointed out that we did not need all the structure in place now for such a small group of people – because we all still knew each other, you were again pointed to the need to be ready for the harvest. If you questioned even the smallest things – like why all of a sudden would we need to refer to our leader as Apostle So and So instead of his first name – we were pointed to the need to be ready for the harvest and therefore titles would allow the new converts to quickly see who were those who were in charge and therefore could be followed.

In other words – you could not question anything. If you did you were an impediment to the preparation for the end time harvest of souls and therefore you were in complete rebellion to the plan of God.

You can talk to anyone in the New Apostolic Reformation or the International Coalition of Apostles and ask why their organization exists or why it is so imperative to have these organizations and their beliefs in operation and this will be the answer that is given. These people are in it for the whole domination of the world – of course for the pristine purpose of the Kingdom of God and his rule and reign – not their own rank in such a movement.

The theology is not to be questioned and therefore any practice that they feel is beneficial to the implementation of the “plan of God” is not to be questioned. Some have even inferred that these new Apostles will come up with new doctrine for this new day that will not be found in Scripture. That was one of the reasons given for titles when it was clear that Jesus taught something different. The sky is the limit, folks!

And again, we are back to the fact that when theology (good or bad, I’m not sure yet) is not allowed to be questioned and the practices that emerge from it also are not allowed to be questioned, you are not in a good place. You are in a dangerous place.