Read This!

With my inability to form a coherent written thought these days and with my blog going more than a month with nothing on it, I would like to direct you to the post that Jeff McQ wrote today over at his blog, Losing My Religion. The post is God is in the Darkness (Part 1 - Afraid of the Dark)

He writes on how his life used to be filled with battling the demonic realm and why it has faded much farther into the background of his spiritual life in recent years.

I have had this conversation with many people lately who ask me why I don't keep my guard up against the enemy (devil) like I used to, how I can have my older children bring ______ into our home, (whatever the person is deciding is bad for us at that moment) or why we would let them be here and not be actively worshiping the same God. Jeff just says, almost to the word, exactly what I have tried to explain to them.

Families and Toxic Churches

One of the things I have come to appreciate in my journey out of the institutional setting is my family. They are precious. They are funny. They are amazing. They are and have become so much more a part of my life. They are mine!

In our church we were subtlety taught to discount our extended flesh and blood families. That might horrify you but it was true. It came up in so many ways. We would call ourselves a family as we gathered together at church. The pastors would wax on about how THIS was true family. How our blood families just "did not get it" like our church family did. How true love could really be shared by those who "loved God" like we did. How, yes, we must honor our given families but we knew who our REAL family was.

There were those of us who would "bear through" family gatherings only to get together with our 'real' family later in the day. We judged them for their values, beliefs, customs and lives. We would roll our eyes and sigh about having to spend time with them. If we could - without guilt - divorce our old families we probably might have.

Then IF EVER there was a disagreement with our families about our leaders, our church, our beliefs or anything regarding our group/church we were sure that our leaders knew what they were talking about all along. I have seen children barely speak to their parents. Holidays spent with the church "family"/or leaders in lieu of spending time with one's own family. It is/was heartbreaking.

The erosion of these bonds was subtle. If asked, no one would have actually said to leave your family (except if the family was making it hard to stay in the group). No one would have gone on record to do that. But as you just hung around the group you caught the flavor. Little things were said.
"We wish you did not have to go to home, we will miss you at our gathering."
"I know you HAVE to go home this Christmas but maybe you can come back in time for our gathering."
"It must be hard to go back there and sit through their church....I'm so sorry."
"You know, you don't have to go to everything they plan."
"They should not expect you to just drop all the important stuff you are doing here to run to their little affairs."
"I know you would rather be here with us."
"Why do your parents seem to want you at everything?"
"You know...we need you here too."
"It is just not healthy for you to be there."
"Well...you know who really loves you."

Husband and I are trying to be a part of our families lives. We didn't realize just how much time we were taking away from our families and giving it to programs and other people. We simply did not realize the condescending attitudes we were giving off to our extended families. We did not realize just how precious and fun our family was.

I never again want to come in between a child and their parents. I want to do everything I can to encourage the involvement of a husband and wife with their own children or a young family with their parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents and such.

Our families are given to us by the Father. Make sure your church is promoting this. If you sense the other...RUN....Run back to your family. They need you and will still be there after all the others have left.

Covenant Breaking, Covering Doctrines and Hearing the Voices Again

Grace, at Kingdom Grace today, posted a bit about Covering and what people say when you have a string of bad things that happen to you. It was great fun in the comments as we poked fun at the doctrine and I chimed in with my few cents.

But this is a serious matter people. I still am reeling from this doctrine. I think it has been the hardest one to extract myself from.

See the other day I decided to do a piece on the practice we had in my old ‘church’ of making covenants. In leaving our group we were to have “broken covenant’ with all the people there. So I was going to write about what covenants are and aren’t and how this doctrine was used to keep people from questioning and leaving our group. I wanted to remember all that was preached so I went onto our old church website (now under a new name) and found the latest sermon on Covenants.

Sure enough there had been one preached in June of this year. As I listened I grew more and more disheartened. Covenant breakers were the evil that the Church needed to purge. They were the reason the harvest of souls were blocked. Those who broke covenant had marriages that had failed, children doing drugs and rebellion, insanity promised and the onslaught of homosexuality and other sins that attached themselves to you.

I knew what was being preached was garbage but then my weekend unfurled. I battled with a daughter over a decision that was going to hurt her – a decision that would have been harder to make had she surrounded herself with Christian friends. Then on Monday, TWO TRUCKS in my business broke down. One had the axle (or something connected to the wheels) actually fall out of the truck. Then an irate customer who was threatening to sue my company for something she perceived we had done. By the end of the day I was exhausted.

But more than that….I was hearing the voices again. “All this has happened because you are a covenant breaker.” “If you were in the ‘church’ you would be protected.” “God knows what you have been writing and thinking and talking with people about. You have talked ill of the brothers and therefore all these things are being allowed to happen.”

I was so mad at myself. I was ashamed to admit that I still heard these things in my head. I was flabbergasted that this man’s voice could silence the truth that I knew to be true.

So….no big ending here. I am more sane today. Best Friend spoke truth to me, Husband reminded me of times that were even worse – while still in the system, an adopted daughter laughed with me at myself, Grace’s post made me laugh too and another friend made me question what is still in my heart that I don’t really believe about God that shows itself when things like this happen.

I guess I just write to let you know that the journey takes a couple of steps backwards every now and then. I think that I’m not the only one who struggles so don’t despair when you find yourself having to deal with it again.

Discipleship and My Kids

OR

The new pop song right now that is causing such an uproar is Katy Perry’s song, “I Kissed a Girl.” Erin mentioned it the other day and I did some of my own research. (I have a kid who is a brilliant song writer and musician so I felt an affinity for the parents of Katy - someday if she decides to do anything with her music, they could be interviewing me) Here is a girl who grew up in a Methodist home with two Methodist preachers as parents. Her first album (under Katy Hudson) was a “Christian” album. (Here is a link to the lyrics of the album.) But if you ever watched her videos I Kissed a Girl, or the one out on the charts now, you would have assumed that there was no Christianity in her upbringing. Or at least her parents really messed up in her upbringing. That is what I would have thought a year or so ago.

See, I believed that if you would teach your kids about Jesus, maybe even home school them, serve the church with them together and teach them to abstain from the world that they would grow up to be great Christians when they were older.

I know better now.

The thing that has struck me over the past year is the fact that each of my children need to have their own encounter with the person of Jesus Christ. The other thing that I now realize is that I can’t make this encounter happen. I can’t spoon feed the truth to my children and have it change their hearts. Only the Holy Spirit can do this.

I used to think that it was up to me whether they turned out Christian or Pagan. Now I realize it is up to them. Just by getting them to ‘believe’ the right things or mouth the right words or say the right prayers at a young age does not guarantee that they would ‘follow’ the right path. It is more than that.

Jesus did not stroll past Matthew and say - “Believe in me Matthew,” or, “Say this about me, Matthew.” He said, “Follow me, Matthew.” Believing did not make Matthew a disciple. Following did.

Whether our children are raised in a non-Christian environment or a Christian one is not the deciding factor. What our children DO with the information is. They have to look at Jesus and decide whether or not to follow him. And here’s the kicker! Katy Perry needs to decide this but so also does the good little girl who is still un-pierced, wearing modest clothing, un-drugged and is still singing in the church choir or praise team. Because the good little girl is not off scott free just by following all the expectations that her Christian upbringing is providing for her. She too needs to make a choice. She too needs her own run-in with Jesus. Because without an actual salvation experience, she will just become a Pharisee and never a disciple. We might like this better than the Katy Perry’s out there but frankly I think they just might do greater damage.

As I look at the vast differences in my own 7 kids, as I look at their differing personalities, as I discern their separate strengths and weaknesses, and as I see some of the paths that they have decided to take I realize one thing. I need to pray that somewhere on their own paths - whether the paths that look ‘Christian’ or decidedly ‘un-Christian’ - Jesus will some day step into the way and say, “Follow Me.” I pray when that day comes they will decide to step off their path and follow him into the wilderness of the life He wants them to have.

My job in all of this???? To live life with the Father, the life of discipleship, that will make them want what I have. I’m out to make them jealous of my relationship with Him and show them that it is possible for them too. If I do that…I have accomplished the discipleship of my children that I long to do.

And who knows…I might have a tattooed, pierced, little girl who absolutely is in love with her Heavenly Father. Now that would be really cool.

How Then Should We Raise Our Kids - Part 2 A Letter To My Sons

Part one of How Then Should We Raise Our Kids ended with these questions that I have been asking myself:

How then am I going to raise my children? I have been spoon fed this kind of theology and told to get my children ready for their “destinies” . Now what do I prepare them for? How do I encourage the gifts in them and give them a hope for their future without all the hype. How do I tell them that their lives are important but they may not be able to change the entire world in their lifetimes? How do I give them a sight of the true Kingdom of God while keeping their feet firmly planted in the world.

As I have been pondering the question of what to impart to my children in the wake of all the institutional mindsets and charismatic excesses I have loved the challenge of boiling the gospel down to it’s simplest form. Many of you wrote and added to my thinking and I am grateful. If you read my article, please go back and read those who responded. I am truly grateful to be able to hear the wisdom from their hearts.

Below is the nugget of Truth that I want to use to shape the lives of my children while they are in my home. I want it to be the baseline upon which all decisions are made in their upbringing. I put it in the form of a letter because I actually just wrote this to a dear and very special little boy whom I have had the joy of loving along with his parents. He is not yet one. My boys are 8, 11 and 13.


To My Sons,

This is a letter from your mom to you. In it, I want to tell you a very important thing. I want you to know what I think the most important thing in life is and what you really need to know to be a "Man of God." Here it is in its simplest form:

God is love.

It is something that you could understand at three years old and something that you will ponder when you are thirty three and ninety three. Those words are the culmination of my life and I hope will be yours.

If you understand that God is love you will be able to navigate this life with a confidence that very few find. A man who knows God is love and allows this love to permeate his very being will be a man who knows God, who knows himself and who knows all those around him. He will be a man of wisdom. He will be a man of greatness. He will be a man of compassion. He will be a man of strength. He will be a man of vision and a man of integrity. He will be a giant among men.

Boys, my desire for you is that you would gaze on the love of God every day of your life. You will be changed. See, you cannot understand God’s love for you and then turn and hate your brother. You cannot embrace his total acceptance of you and then reject another of His children. You cannot peer into the depth of his great love and then live in any fear.

Love - God’s love - will change you.

Remember the words that are written by a man named Paul in a book in the Bible called First Corinthians. He calls us to love as God loves us and here is what he says that looks like:

Love never gives up because it is patient.
Love cares more for others than for self because it is kind.
Love does not want what it doesn’t have. It does not envy.
Love doesn’t strut because it is not boastful.
Love doesn’t have a swelled head. It is never proud
Love doesn’t force itself on others because it is not rude.
Isn’t always “me first,” Love is not self-seeking
Love doesn’t fly off the handle because it is is not easily angered.
Love doesn’t keep score of the sins of others. You see it keeps no records of wrong.
Love doesn’t revel when others grovel because it does not delight in evil.
Love takes pleasure in the flowering of truth because it rejoices in the truth.
Love puts up with anything, it always protects
And Love trusts God always.
Love always looks for the best, it always hopes
Never looks back but keeps going to the end because it always perseveres.
Love never dies and it never fails.

Boys, if your picture of God ever differs from the picture that those words paint in the above statements, you will know that your picture of God is warped. This will cause you to turn away from the life in Him and thus you will not love God in truth and you will not love others. If your picture of God is as sharp as those words then you will love and be loved like few men ever have.

I leave you with the words that Jesus said to his friends. They were written down by a man named John. Jesus said to them, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.

With all my love,
Mom

How Then Shall We Raise Our Kids? Part 1

Brother Maynard posted the other day about Stacy Campbell’s prophecy at the Commissioning of Todd Bentley and her subsequent non apology. In the midst of his article he gave this side note on the prophetic propensity to talk about the "next generation."

….but I have to say that I’m sick and tired of prophetic words about the “chosen” generation or the “next” generation or things of this ilk. I’ve observed people prophesy it over their own generation, and as they age, marry, have a family, and raise children, they begin to prophesy the same thing over the “next” generation — i.e., their own kids. I don’t know, either we’re all special or none of us are… but either way, it doesn’t seem especially “prophetic” to call it out as though it were something new and not something that’s been said to every generation that has practiced prophetic ministry, bar none. It’s just some kind of misguided prophetic nepotism. How come there aren’t any prophetic words that say to teenagers, “You guys aren’t really the chosen generation, but your job is to work hard and raise good families so that they can grow up sound in the faith and pass it along to that generation, which is especially chosen for revival.”

He elicits a comment from a new blogger gxs who says this:

I no longer count myself in the Nazirite/Elijah/John the Baptist/Revolutionary/Overcoming/Revival/End-time Kick Uber-Ass/Joel’s Army generation ….not as described by the ‘prophetic movement’ anyway.

This started me thinking. I totally resonate with the comments from these two writers. I no longer buy into the thinking that this next generation is more special than the generation that went before it. I doubt this as much as I doubt that because this is 2008 and 8 is the number of God, that 2008 will be the year that God pours out his blessings in an unprecedented way. (sorry I gave up on the links) I have lived through the hype year after year (God was always going to do great things each year) and the men and women who keep this up should be shot on the stage where they stand unabashedly saying the same things year after year with no one questioning why it did not happen last year like they said it would. In the same way, if you read generations gone by they all jumped on the bandwagon of the “new, greater generation that would follow.

BUT here is my question. How then am I going to raise my children? I have been spoon fed this kind of theology and told to get my children ready for their “destinies” . Now what do I prepare them for? How do I encourage the gifts in them and give them a hope for their future without all the hype. How do I tell them that their lives are important but they may not be able to change the entire world in their lifetimes? How do I give them a sight of the true Kingdom of God while keeping their feet firmly planted in the world?

Would love to know what those who have come out of this kind of teaching are doing with your children. I’ll post later what I think. I’m listening to you first.

Free Falling In Life

Tracy at The Best Parts has a series on my favorite book (at the moment) Families Where Grace is in Place, by Jeff VanVonderen. Please go over and read the past few posts and then buy the book. It has been a paradigm shift for me as I re-evaluate my past parenting and marriage and what I want to become in the future.

One part of his book that still has me thinking is the whole idea of what and who we are on the inside and what and who we pack onto the outer core of ourselves that people see.

He addresses it like this (my paraphrase). You have two children. Both children do not really yet know that they are loved by Father (God). Both children are empty on the inside and long to be validated. They both long for belonging. They are both lost. But one child packs on “good behavior.” They get good grades, go to church, are the leader in their youth group, don’t smoke or drink, wear dress up clothes without screaming, and would never think of marriage outside another church kid. The other child packs on “bad behaviors.” They dress Goth, listen to the wrong kinds of music, hang out with “undesirables,” won’t play by any of your rules, bad grades and all the rest.

VanVonderen asks us, which child needs loved, needs God and needs to shed all the outer lining of their lives and become real to know Father in his Love and Grace? Both children are headed toward the same place of emptiness. One just looks better getting there. We are so much more at ease with the first child than we are with the second. (I realize that some of this is because the child with good behavior will not have to face the same consequences as the child with bad behavior.) But the point is – both children are empty inside and need love and need to know that Father loves them. Only then will the outer shell truly reflect who and what they are and healing will be able to happen.

I understand this. I even like this. But I hate living with this. Here’s how:

I feel like I have no measuring stick. No way to determine if my kids are doing well or not. No way to know how to accurately judge anyone else let alone know how to even judge my own heart. It is a free falling feeling with no base or ground. Only God really knows their heart or mine. I, on the other hand, have only the exterior to figure out how someone is doing and now I can’t use that measurement in the way I've been accustomed.

I can’t describe to you the sheer, unnerving frustration of not having any way to measure myself or others (Note: not that I'm saying it ever really worked). In my kids’ lives, if they were doing well – we basically left them alone and felt good about them and ourselves (but sometimes only to find out that they really weren’t doing well at all inside – where it counted). The child with bad behavior got the attention but only to attempt to get them to exchange bad behavior for good behavior. We knew only God could change their hearts but it did not make us stop trying to pack good behavior onto their outer self. I was still sure that right choices would produce a right heart. “Do right, Feel right,” was my motto.

But now that all “rules” are falling off - now that I am exploring walking with Grace, I find it unnerving to lack of a set of parameters to assure myself that all is well. How do I evaluate my own heart today? Am I OK? Should I be doing something more? Less? Am I learning to trust Him today? Should I pray for this or that? And how about my kids? How do I help them “walk with God?” For instance, how do I decide if a man is right for their lives? A year ago this man had a very, very narrow door to fit through to be deemed appropriate for my daughters. Now, what do I judge it by?

Being a Pharisee was so much easier. Now don’t start yelling…I know it wasn’t really but it did give a false sense of security that I found attractive and addicting. A false sense of security that I wrapped around myself with a sigh of relief. The law made me feel more secure. I knew what I had to do, I knew what others needed to do and I knew how to determine if we were winning or loosing.

Now that the false security blanket of Law and Rules is gone – it feels so…..out there. I’m free falling and I don’t have a clue. I hope the “Whoever” that packed my parachute was trustworthy and being particularly careful. He promised He would be. If not, there is going to be a terrible mess.

Picture from here. I loved that there was a community falling together. I think ultimately that is what everyone has been talking about the past few days.

Shrek - A Mother's Day Story

In light of it being Mother’s day today, here is my very favorite and most funny story from my kids’ lives.

My youngest came along in 2000. (Such a convenient year for trying to remember the birth years of 7 children.) He was and is still to this day the delight of our family.

Being the youngest, we had the baby thing down. See, in the north when your baby is a year and a half old and it is winter, you have to do something to get out of the house. Our favorite past time with #7 was to take him to the mall and walk him around in the stroller. Since he had two older sisters who had their driving license we would ship him off to the mall with whatever adult was free to quiet his typical toddler angst.

He was of course learning how to talk but he had a particular speech impediment that I have heard from other children but none of mine had had to that point. He would substitute FU for TR or SHR. For instance this made a Fire Truck sound like Fire F**k. Quite comical to his older siblings.

This particular year turned out to be the year that Shrek had just come out on DVD. All his siblings were enamored with this film and our discontented toddler could be counted on to be content while it was playing. We played it A LOT! I can quote large passages of Shrek better than most Bible passages. (Any parents out there give a witness?) (I also have large passages of Veggie Tales, The Little Mermaid, The Emperors’ New Groove, Aladdin and Toy Story memorized – just to name a few. Oh, if only Masters Degrees in Disney Movies could be bequeathed.) So as his vocabulary expanded from Ma Ma and Da Da, his favorite character was one of his first words.

Now you need to know that his speech impediment, added to his devotion to Shrek, caused there to be a bit of a stir in my house because, of course, when he wanted to watch his favorite movie he would begin screaming, “I want F**k, I wanna watch F**k. We would giggle and like good parents of the 7th child, we would watch F**k again with him for the 4th time that day. (Do not even try to judge me...I was home shcooling! :0)

Now, back to the mall. The movie store decided to promote the next Shrek movie with a full sized cardboard cut out of Shrek and his sidekick “Donkey.” Our child, upon delightedly seeing life sized cutouts of his most favorite characters, stood straight up in his stroller yelling and pointing at the top of his lungs, “F**k – n – Donkey!!!! F**k – n – Donkey!!!! (You need to say this aloud, slurred together to get the full effect.)

The mall went silent. It seemed as if even the insipid mall music ground to a halt in horror. Everything went into slow motion as all heads turned in our direction. And like good parents of a 7th child we were …….embarrassed……dismayed…..shocked…..well, nooooo ……. if you want to know, we were on the floor laughing, unable to form a coherent thought to try and quiet our potty mouthed one year old.

No flowers on Mother’s day will give me more delight than being able to tell this story again.

Halloween - The Heart of a Child

Today I downloaded all the syncroblogs of others who have weighed in on the subject of Halloween.

To Halloween or to not Halloween – that is the question. I seem to have a lot of pagan-christian friends here in the blogworld because for the most part, they have all weighed in on the side of “it never hurt me and we are being hypocritical if we celebrate Christmas and Easter and not Halloween” side of things. (Actually there were very good posts about this and I don’t mean to trivialize them)

You see I used to believe that we Charismatics had actually dealt with the demonic world and so we knew better than to mess with Satan’s camp. Actually we held the keys to the real secret behind the truth of participating in Halloween. (Satan is stronger than Jesus). Therefore in allowing your children to participate in dressing up in a costume and going from door to door for candy from their neighbors the enemy would certainly get a stronghold in their little lives and they will end up doing drugs, sleeping with their boyfriend, dressing goth and rejecting the God of their parents.

But wait. I have one of those. AND SHE NEVER PARTICIPATED IN HALLOWEEN!! We actually told her that good Christian kids did not participate in an ungodly holiday. That it was wrong to put on a witches outfit and go out and get candy. That it would be better going door to door and praying for people on that night or going to a church sponsored "harvest party". We did it ALL right. We were the good Christians on the block.

So what went wrong? And here is the real question that we with children are asking ourselves. Can all the outward things that we do really shape the heart of our children? Can we pull so far away from the world that our children’s lives will not be touched by sin? Who really is stronger – Jesus or Satan?

Let me explain. I have 7 kids. 4 girls and 3 boys. They all range in ages from 25-6. With each one of them we have known both the strengths of their characters and the weaknesses by the time they turned 4 years old. You could tell which ones had a problem with lying, self confidence, or anger. You could pick out the ones who would have a problem with eating too many sweets, which one would want to hide his sin and which one would not care if you found out. You could tell who would be a giver and who would be more selfish. You could see who was more decisive, who was the musical one, who would be your greatest helper, who naturally saw what needed to be done and so on. They were all raised in the same home with the same parents and except for themselves with the same siblings. Some we home schooled, some we sent to public school.

But the thing that is so amazing to me is that you could tell what you were going to deal with in each of them as they grew up when they were 4. It had virtually nothing to do with what we did or didn’t do. It was in them. Their strengths and weakness were already bound up in their hearts. It made no difference whether we allowed them to dress up for Halloween or not. And to think that something so much outside of them will actually influence them to behavior that is not already inherent in their little beings is just somehow crazy to me now.

So if you ask me, (and you really haven’t), I say go ahead and celebrate Halloween or not. But don’t think that the celebration of it or the avoidance of it will change one thing about who your children are, because only a relationship with one Man will ever change a child’s heart from what it is, to what it can become.

If you think that anything outside of Grace will change them, then trust me, you are in for a horrible, guilt inducing trip of parenthood. And you will end up blaming yourself for celebrating (or not celebrating) Halloween some day and that is just crazy.

PS: By the way, in case you are wondering……Jesus is stronger!

Nothing has changed. Yet everything is different.

Nothing has changed – Yet everything is different.

Nothing has changed. I love the Church. I try to gather with the Church as much as I can. I delight in the Church.

Yet everything is different. I don’t go “to” church. I don’t go to services. I don’t participate in any church activities. All my friends do not belong to the same “church.” I am not a leader in the “church.” My kids are not being raised in the "church."

Nothing has changed. I love to worship. I love worship songs that bring my heart, mind and spirit into the same place where the Spirit of Father feels real to me.

Yet everything is different. Worship is not prepackaged for me. I don’t “go” to worship anymore. If I worship it is by my own decision to make time to tell Father that I love him. Sometimes worship does not even involve singing. Sometimes it is just in the sitting and listening. Sometimes it is in the loving of someone else that Father puts in my path. Sometimes it is in preparing dinner for my family so that we can gather around the table and love each other and have Father there with us.

Nothing has changed. I love to give. I love to give an offering of money. I love to be generous.

Yet everything is different. I no longer have one basket that I put all my offerings in. I no longer give from a place where if I don’t, God will be mean to me. I no longer give out of obligation. No one ever sees me give anymore. I don’t march down front to put in my money into a basked in front of the whole “church”. I give a lot more to the poor.

Nothing has changed. I love fellowship. I love to help people grow to be a follower of Jesus. I also love to learn from others how to grow more to be like Him.

Yet everything is different. I don’t have prepackaged fellowship. There are no meetings that I attend where the “fellowship time” is set aside for me. Many friends no longer want to have fellowship with me because they perceive that I hurt them by leaving their church. Fellowship is much more intimate now – just with a few. Much like how sweet something tastes after you have eliminated sugar from your diet, this fellowship is soooo sweet. Even brief encounters with other Christians (that I don’t’ even know) at a bank or grocery story feels like the sweetest fellowship ever.

Nothing has changed. I love God. I speak to Him. I even call this “prayer” sometimes. Nothing has changed.

Yet everything is different. I have changed how I speak to Him. I sit with Him mostly and do not speak. I listen a lot more. I have changed from calling him “The” Father to just Father. I ask him for other things – not so much my own stuff anymore. I don’t pray about “church” things anymore.


Nothing has changed. I love the teaching that comes from others on the Word of God. I love to hear what they have to say.

Yet everything is different. I don’t have prepackaged teaching every Sunday morning. I have to go and search it out. Also, for the first time in my life I allow myself to question who is teaching and what they are saying. I can disagree. I can love one part and spit the other parts out. I have to decide for myself if it matches up to the Word in a way that I think that Jesus and the disciples meant it to. Another thing is different too. I learn from anyone who speaks. I am not forced to only read or hear one “stream” of beliefs. I have read or heard from staunch Presbyterians, atheists, the Reformed faith, the charismatic teachers and most lovely, those who sit around my table with me. I love to be with others who are learning new things. I’m on a journey and it is fun to have so many of you talking to me, teaching me as I go.

Nothing has changed. Yet everything is different.

"Raised in the Church"

Words are so odd to me right now - especially religious words. Words that just a few months ago flowed from my lips without a thought. Now, as I read them in a whole new light, I find my mind tripping over them.

Some of you read my words on prayer. Religious words, words full of theology – maybe good or maybe bad. Vague words. Church Lady words. Words from books. Words from someone else. Words that make you part of a club. Words that mean something to a very few of our population. Words that need an interpreter if you talk to someone outside of the “church”.

Another one hit me today as I read it. They said, “I was raised in the Church.” When they say it you can hear the capital “C”. Now we know they were not raised in the building – although many of us felt like we were with all the endless meetings. I know I grew up with Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night and then of course when old enough for youth group meetings we were together at least one or two other nights. Before we were old enough for youth group there were the choir practices that we had to sit in the hard pews on a Thursday night for what seemed hours. Hmmm....maybe I was raised in the Church.

But this is not what people mean when they say that phrase. They are not talking about the actual time spent. They are talking about being raised in Christianity. With Christian teachings, Christian friends, Christian theology, Christian lives, Christian buildings. Christian leaders, Christian meetings, Christian rules, Christian pastimes, Christian schools……..But they do not say they were raised in Jesus. Or in a relationship with any sort of a Heavenly Father. It is not about relationship. It is an institution.

Now my children are not being raised “in the Church” like their older siblings. This makes me ask what are they being raised in? I wonder how they will speak of this “raising” that we are doing now.

If I could help them with the words, I would hope they could say when they are grown, “I was raised loving God.” Or, I was raised as a Christian - but not like you think.” Or, “I was raised in a Jesus follower kind of way.” I wonder what they will say. I definitely don’t think they will say they were “raised in the Church.” And today, at least, that does not bother me.

The Church Lady and Her Un-Churched Kids

While out in blogdom today, many are pondering the really deep meanings of God and the universe (see Brother Maynard’s blog – brilliant stuff) Church Lady here has a simple question:

How do I raise my children outside of the “church?” It has been a few months since we have left and there is not a Sunday School in sight as far as I can tell for a long time to come.

Of course we all know that we (the parents) are responsible for their spiritual training. That was always told to us by our churches. I told this to others – partially to absolve the church when their kids turned out bad. After all, you can only claim responsibility when it looks good for you. When it does not work out to your advantage – bail and let them know it was their responsibility all along.

The only problem I see was that no one ever actually really took responsibility that I know of. We let the Sunday School teachers do their job and “presto” our kids knew all about Jonah and the Whale and Noah and the Arc. (In there was probably some really good spiritual training although, to tell you the truth, I never saw how they could take a story about God wiping out the whole human race – every living thing – and teach it to any child who would not run screaming from the room and never love God again. It worked though if you needed people to be afraid of God to obey him. Hmmmm…….)

Of course Church Lady was always too busy to teach Sunday School. Her gifting was not only not in evangelism but also not in children’s ministry either. There might be something important going on in the service that she would have to help with. Or how could she mentor people the next week without knowing what the Spirit was saying in the service on that previous Sunday. And children seldom knew how important you were. They could not feed that ego in her.

If you were to tell me 4 months ago that my kids would not be going to church during their formative years, I would have thought you had lost your mind. Now I have no idea what to do. It is kind of like wondering if your kids would really be socially hampered if you home schooled. What will un-churched Christian kids look like in 10 years? Will we need to give in and attend a church just for their sakes? I have read on some of your blogs that you have done just that - gone back to church for your kids. How is that working for you?

Meanwhile I need to decide what I will do in the meantime. I never liked the Bible story approach. I think it gives a very disjointed view of the Bible. Maybe I’ll read them the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. I liked to use historical fiction to teach history when I home schooled my older kids. It made it more enjoyable for me at least and they seemed to really understand it better. It's too bad that Sponge Bob does not do Bible Studies for kids.

I am understanding now that it is my responsibility. Mostly because there is no passing it off. My mantra that it is the parents’ responsibility has now actually fallen on my shoulders - thus proving that I did not really believe it before.

Sigh.....

5 Things I Dig About Jesus

I was tagged by Emerging Grace via John Smulo to write 5 things I “dig” about Jesus. While I am way too old to actually use the word “dig” without my teenagers rolling their eyes and sighing, I shall attempt to write the 5 things. (They probably don’t read this very often anyway)

I also purposely decided not to read anyone else's first. Mine are probably not as “spiritual” as others will be. – But in light of coming out of my Church Lady persona, here they are

1. I dig the fact that Jesus’ first recorded miracle was making really good wine. I bet it was an Australian Shiraz.

2. I dig the fact that Jesus could be really mean. When he used the example of the Samaritan being the Jew’s neighbor he was really pushing things. (like the fact that tensions had become so bad between the two groups that just a few years before Jesus was born, some Samaritans had come into the Temple and spread dead men’s bones in it. – not cool for someone who is not supposed to touch dead things.)(for a list of things that fueled the Samaritan/Jewish hatred see the comment section that I added to the end of this blog.)

3. I dig the fact that Jesus was the only one who could have stoned the woman caught in adultery – but he didn’t. And he gave forgave her even before she “got saved” or proved that she was going to be any sort of a “good Christian.”

4. I dig the fact that as of tomorrow, when one of my daughters turns 18 and moves out to live life the way she thinks she wants to live (think punk, rock, pierced poster child) it that Jesus will be sitting on the right hand of the Father interceding for her. I love the fact that he will be ready at any chance she gives him to show his love to her no matter what she does and that he will send goodness and mercy to follow after her all her days.

5. I dig the fact that Jesus thinks I am funny. The other day when someone told me that they get up really, really early to find time with Jesus, I told them that they did not have to get up that early because Jesus meets me after I’ve had a couple cups of coffee (much later in the morning) and they could just come by then and not have to get up so early. They didn’t think it was that funny but I think Jesus “digs” my humor.

I tag Erin
Elizabeth
RobbieMac
Martha
And Best Friend - you can forward it to me and I will post it anonymously.

I tried to get people who have not been tagged before - sorry if I got someone twice.