Tuesday, September 22, 2009

My Fears

I find it hard sometimes to truly know my own heart. It is much easier to discuss a topic of controversy then discuss what lies hidden even to myself sometimes. Today a blogger, Naked Pastor, gave a list of 10 things that compromise his greatest fears as a pastor. It somehow begs for the reader to be as open and authentic. So here goes my attempt. As of right now I can only think of 3 and they are very similar. Who knows if I know my own heart enough to come up with all 10.

1. Finding out I was wrong in the past (especially if I am unaware of it and thus have not had the opportunity of repenting and/or making it right
2. Deeply hurting my Husband in some way.
3. Losing the love/relatinship of my older children
4. Being embarrassed for doing something stupid
5. Becoming unhealthy at my own hands (weight, physical strength/flexibility, unhealthy eating habits)
6. Debt
7. Finding out what I believe now (especially about Grace and who the Father truly is) is wrong
8. Hurting the dear friends who presently remain my friends
9. Junk taking over my house/life
10. Realizing that I will be wrong in the future and thus run the risk of hurting someone else.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

From Preacherlady:

I discovered your blog through naked pastor.First of all, thank you. There are a lot of us out there. As I contemplate starting my own blog, I realize that I need to, if only to ask forgiveness of those I mislead as I was mislead.The first time I left was over 30 years ago, and I was one of the upfront leaders. I ran the weeknite service, I counseled, I taught and I was wrong. I didn't know it at the time, but I was still wrong. The ministry collapsed and people got hurt. Now, 30 yrs. later, I minister outside the traditional church to people who have been hurt by it. As I read through your postings, and went to some of the other blogs, I realize its the same basic story...just a variation on a theme. I pray your wounds heal and that you will be a healing agent in the lives of those who share the story. Again, thank you.

Barb said...

Preacher Lady, Thanks for the comment. (I reposted it since google had messed up the formatting on the post) Your name made me laugh because so often I and my best friend refer to me as the Church Lady when we talk about the part of myself that I was not fond of.

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